Something has happened. Like recently but although I don't feel much impact from it, I do feel I should give it something. My attention, my words, my thoughts and a bit of your attention. For I believe though in small amounts, this is the realest and honest way can I contribute. And I will do it right or at least to do the best that I can do it right. So I'm asking you again to just lend me something valuable, that is your attention however its depth you may give and again hope you bear with me for slowly I will reveal the general picture to you.
When the new year greets you, you take it all in stride. You get used to the new faces, new routines and everything becomes normal, turning into your special pace. Soon you feel comfortable with how things are going but then you look up and realize you've gone through already more than half of the year. It is like walking out before dawn in the curtains of the night and suddenly you realize day had arrive within the clouds before you could notice. It is like when you were a child running and playing in a moment of pure glee and happiness but all at once fall knee scraped and tear faced without being careful. It is those moment when everything around seem to be in its place but in an instant it can change. It is an instant when apart of you is restored, sprout or even torn. A lot can happen within that instant, one second can shift things but a few can alter.
Let's not touch restoring or gaining though, its the lost. When something is snatched from your normal life, it is that instant. In some ways I felt this but I was never in the danger zone, always in the safe one. So when the nuclear bomb take place, I find myself grazed, maybe pushed back a little but always in one piece compare to those who were closer to the bombing. I've no doubt in my mind that I too will experience despite my reluctance but I remain hopeful that its not soon. However it has happened, to someone who is my cousin and though I had never been close to him, I have never been treated badly by him either.
Now there's always an outside perspective when something like this happens, that where I find most interesting and most contemplative. There were some fingers to blame when he entered the hospital. He was known for being a drunk but its not common to hear someone asking you to bring him to the doctor's right? But it was critical. Brain critical. It was solved and for the briefest moment of relief and cruelty, people thought he was gonna be okay again just as soon as they thought he was lost to them. Fingers were pointed. Someone who ignore him and didn't get him checked sooner whoever that is I am not entirely sure. The blame was shifted not outspokenly but everybody knew everybody was judging but hoping only the best. Then thing were beginning to look up, they got it out of his skull. And the instant came again and it seems all its left from its terror was the inevitable. He was gone not long after. The fingers got less, what would it change anyway? It wouldn't bring him back and our life altered and environment changed. Who would the dog wait for if not for his master? Who would he play guitar with? These painful questions are all that's left.
Now there is just hoping and praying he is in a better place. That he is without worry, doubt or anxieties and filled with peace and tranquillity. And that the living keeps him alive within themselves and heal. Everyone is not the quite the same as before, no one usually is. So I offer this fact, that he has left us his mark but reassurance from everyone and the good Lord know he has left to, as Thomas Edison described as his last words, a brighter place.
