The Holidays!! and updates.

Exams are over and I plan to mostly hangout and just be laid back on everything. So yeah whats been going on lately. Scotty won American Idol. No surprise there but he ain't my fav though. I just finish my chocolate cheese cake and feel stuffed. I will be going to a cosplay shop this tues with some friends. Its the budget that I'm a bit worried of.

I'm feeling kinda happy so since its been so long, maybe I'll do an expressin bit.

so the story start

between a contest

of you, me and her

I'm not like her at all

she may be pretty and sweet

but I won't cry hopelessly

Nor will I comfort or help

my enemy in love.

With lipstick as a weapon

I continue to catch your heart

Can't you see my heart beat

for you only?

Love is war so it isn't abnormal

to continue to fight

Until the true victor of your heart

is announced and have made its stand

only then will I lay my armor down

and move on to the next

Basically its about this girl who fight for a guy with another girl. She seem to be the full spirited type. Watcha think? Comment!

Today was just...

Fucking horrible. Like literally.In a verbal sense. I decided to brought my nintendo DS to school seeing that there isn't spot-check during Friday. * queuing in "Friday" song* Okay now stop. And anyway There was this kid who apparently had some problems with most of they guys because he's LITERALLY the most annoying and show off teen ever. So there was a hater's group abt him on Facebook with post of the worse kind of insults that male genders could ever come up with.

I at first felt pity about it and thought he really had it rough until now. The fucking asshole reported a complain to th disciplinary teacher saying that it isn't fair that I could bring it when he can't. Well you obviously knew that I planned to get away with it so why can't you the do the same if you wanted to do it? I never mess with you. Fuck. I never even talk to you. Not even a word. So why? You had to mess my whole fucking day when I never even once interrupted yours. Seriously now I know exactly why people hate you. And now you just earned yourself a new hater you motherfucking asshole who ad nothing to do but decided to put an imaginary condom in your brain and run that shitty mouth of yours. Fuck you dude. I hope someday Karma will hit up with you bad. Like 20 times bad.

Like as if you're trying to bring justice to the school. If you're trying to be good then why not go ahead and mess with the seniors if you're trying to be all motherfucking good-two-shoes. Oh wait. You can't cause you don't have the balls to and decided to mess with people you've never associate yourself with,. Well guess what motherfucker if you think I'm one of those people that you can just tell on that you hell wrong to think so. So go ahead. Go around being a bastard and shit as many as you want on people's business but you may never have that one thing you want in you life at the moment. 7 month and 3 years is still long way to go and I have no doubt you'll experience hell within that life span you motherfucking asshole. You're just this little bastard lame brained motherfucking dickhead who hasn't got any real achievement in his 14 years of life to be proud of nor do you have once fought your own "battle" case you know what? You're a wuss that runs to his mama when he falls down. You're lesser than the position man. No wait you more of a baby aren't you?

FYI though, your mama can't always be there to face your bullies for you. If I ever seen you do anything wrong at all. I will not hesitate to report you back. And if you don't pick up your courage which I doubt you'll ever will, then you're going to being the miserable motherfuckind dickhead you are now.

R.I.P

This is dedicated to my schoolmate, Chun, for I found out this morning that he passed away last night. I never knew he had leukemia. He just seem carefree and didn't had any worries. He like any other guys. The clown of the group he was hanging. Its like the picture I had of all the form 2 together smiling and joking around had a missing part. Like someone just took out scissors and cut him out of that picture permanently.I did notice he wasn't in school a lot but I didn't take it as it was weird for him to come irregularly. At first nobody believed because he was online last night on facebook when it turned out it was the last thing he did before he left. It was just a rumor and we all wanted it to be untrue until our class teacher confirmed it during assembly.

We all were shock. Eyes widen. Mouth hanging open. Soon chatters starts and we were told to give a brief silence to pray. And in that silence, my heart felt sad. Christina started crying and Denise & Chan Yng tried to hush her silently to pray. My legs felt weak and numb. Tears formed at the very corner of my eyes. Its amazing how someone you know but not necessarily close to can give you such grief now that they're gone.

So I'm gonna say this now. Please God may you forgive and bless his soul and that he is in heaven by your side. And Chun,I'm really sorry if weren't all that close but I sincerely hope that you are somewhere in peace and happiness.I also hope to go to your funeral and give one final goodbye. Its hurt to say goodbye but it hurts and stabs more to say goodbye forever.

Oh my gosh I think I'm going to cry now.

Being sensitive

Some people says they hate people that cries over easily stuff, others can't simply be strong. Both sides in my opinion are wrong to me.You have to let your emotions out because they are times when no one can hold it in all the time. That what are other people for and is also what are friends for. I want a friend to by my side to support me and I can let out my emotions pour out and after that I'll feel better and stronger. I want to pour out all that I feel before it becomes full and start spilling everywhere. You must not cry over the same thing all the time. You either cry and just let it go or do something about it.

There is no wrong crying just as there is no wrong to smiling right? Thats why I try to understand and be by your side but I guess I forgot to empty myself and ended spilling all over the place. So I don't know whether you know this but in my heart I always pray to become a better and stronger me. "Please help me watch my mouth Lord." "Please help me to be more honest to myself." It stuff like that which repeats in my heart.

Do you know that you're not a coward for showing your true feelings to others? You're pretty brave but you sometime gotta guard and let them out at the right timing you know? Its like you're brave but an idiot too but I'm an idiot and a coward so...

I love it till it brought tears.

Song:

Tsunaida te ni Kiss wo (try listen piano version)

I heard it from an anime and was just touched when I read the lyrics.

Lyrics:

Soshite bouya wa nemuri ni tsuita
ikizuku hai no naka no honoo
hitotsu, futatsu to ukabu fukurami itoshii yokogao
daichi ni taruru ikusen no yume, yume

Gin no hitomi no yuragu yoru ni
umare ochita kagayaku omae
ikuoku no toshitsuki ga
ikutsu inori wo tsuchi e kaesshitemo

Watashi wa inori tsuzukeru
douka konoko ni ai wo
tsunaida te ni kisu wo

Soshite bouya wa nemuri ni tsuita
ikizuku hai no naka no honoo
hitotsu, futatsu to ukabu fukurami itoshii yokogao
daichi ni taruru ikusen no yume, yume

Gin no hitomi no yuragu yoru ni
umare ochita kagayaku omae
ikuoku no toshitsuki ga
ikutsu inori wo tsuchi e kaesshitemo

Watashi wa inori tsuzukeru
douka konoko ni ai wo
tsunaida te ni kisu wo

Watashi wa inori tsuzukeru
douka konoko ni ai wo
tsunaida te ni kisu wo

English:
So the little infant fell into a deep sleep.
Among the grey ashes in the flames shining...First one,then two ...
Surfaces numerous of your faces

A thousand dreams trickle back to the earth
On the night when the silver eyes were trembling , the shining you was born
Across millions of years,the prayers have already returned back to the earth

I will still continue to pray
Please bestow upon this child your love
Upon our joined hands, leave a gentle kiss

So the little infant fell into a deep sleep.
Among the grey ashes in the flames shining...First one,then two ...
Surfaces numerous of your faces

A thousand dreams trickle back to the earth
On the night when the silver eyes were trembling , the shining you was born
Across millions of years,the prayers have already returned back to the earth

I will still continue to pray
Please bestow upon this child your love
Upon our joined hands, leave a gentle kiss

I will still continue to pray
Please bestow upon this child your love
Upon our joined hands, leave a gentle kiss

Let me get this straight in ur damn head.

I have my own ways of thinking. I have my own path that I desire to take. Sure when I say this, adults wouldn't take me seriously since I am still young. Maybe they're right but nevertheless, its still something I choose. I'm old enough to at least choose now. Once you're close to teen hood, that right to choose something is entitled to you. Sure, I have no right to push what I believe or think onto others but that doesn't mean they have the right to the same at me. You don't need others to believe your beliefs. You just need yourself to believe it. Thats enough.

Though I have met a few who wanted others to believe that they're opinions right, I simply understand their thoughts and soon it helps expand my own world of thought. I can't always agree, I might disagree. I can simply only understand and give an opinion. I can't believe. So why? Why the fuck can't you do the same? I don't expect you to believe but if you're going to butt in about my priorities of my life than couldn't you at least do it that way? Why must you debate? Because no matter how right you may be, I will always decide what I think is better. Its my own decision and even if the reasons why I chose it isn't as reasonable enough as yours, can't you leave me alone to go along with it?

Now because of all this debating, you made things awkward and I freakin pissed at you. But then again, when its about "that", it makes all priorities and laws that everybody live by gone. Like they never existed and "that" was the one and only rule everyone follow once they got infected. Fuck you. I fuckin hate you. You might not see me for awhile because I'll be going back to an old business.

P.S. to Hana (you know who you are), I'll be doing some"hunting in UW" when I mean I'll be back to an old business. Also this post abt me hatin isn't about you, its abt another person. So just wanted you to know I'll be huntin thats all. If you receive any calls or any see any strangers that might have business with you, hide or run or avoid kay? Especially blond ones.

Its weird (expressin!!)

Its this how people feel in hospitals? I feel like a dying specimen. Wires and fluid tubes inject to my bare skin. I can barely breath yet I am? A nurse with her beautiful red hair bun appear. I could hear her asking whether I could you hear her but its as if her voice was far far away even though she just an inch away from me. I want to answer her but even though my mouth is open, my voice won't come out.

"Okay lets check your results today" she says as she observes the machines of screens. I close my eyes back realizing I'm in a hopeless state. I don't remember anything. Except a car. Yes it was chasing me for some reason. Thats all though. Urgh my head hurts. A click sound of a door open and I open my eyes again. Who is it this time?

"Ah its you again, she finally woke up." the nurse smiles. Who is she smiling at. I turn my eyes and there stood someone I couldn't recognize. He hair was blonde and he had dashing brown eyes.

"Oh you brought your son today?" the nurse smile as she still scribbles something on some papers she had. "Ah has she really? Look Daniel, she'll be living with us for awhile."

Who is this? Who this little blond blue-eyed boy he just shove beside me?

"She the daughter of a close friend of mine so be sure to get along with her okay Daniel? Her name is.....Wait is there is something wrong Nurse?" he suddenly said panic at the machines around beeped loudly at a fast paced. Urgh. What this pain surging through my wrist? It hurts. It hurts so much...But what was my name? I can't remember.

"Oh no, could you please go outside sir..."

What? No. Don't go. I want to hear what he was about to say..

"Doctor hurry!!"

"Quick get the ingejti...."

I could hear people talking but there words started to sound gibberish and soon they fade and disappear.