Updates

It's that 2 week holidays and loads have happened. I been through my mid-term exam which usually isn't impressive of results and though I had resolute to not let it be the same this year, I am afraid I had let it be so again. I'm far too scared to ask my teachers how I did. I joined Unduk Ngadau at school but trust me when I say it wasn't of my own choice. I did however did rebel a little from the typical pageant grace because no.1 I will never be that girl and no.2 I have this treacherous insecurity that me in these sort of events will make me feel the public will laugh AT me thus I choose the alternative, to laugh WITH me instead as it mends my confidence. I watched the latest X-men film annnnddd J-Law obvi killed it and the storyline was GREAT. Just when you thought MARVEL couldn't possible surprise you and take it to another level, they DO. Plus they follow the comic so A++ for the loyalty to originality. I'm really into two new TV shows called Orphan Black and The Resurrection from Life is Good channel. One is huge BBC American science based creative thriller that is a must watchh, especially if you like one about clones which is deliciously written here (the main actress for all the clones is a genius and a force to be reckon with and they are all americans yet they do so good at convincing me at least that their characters are legit Brits) and if you love those "really think about your humanity" stuff and total tear jerker, The Resurrection will make you wonder and cry throughout. I even read the book of the show and its different but conceptually similar. I think the TV version is better though. 


I've also been craving weepie and thought-provoking materials since The Resurrection and to amplify that crave, Grey's Anatomy S10 is on StarWorld and I'm going to die from dehydration due to crying all the damn time. Its not that I'm feeling sensitive or my hormones have spiked but I just been wanting that feeling where after you finish a good cry, you feel washed over and clean again. Like you let it out and the emptiness offers you sense of freedom and a kind of lightness. I've been jogging. Today I started again because exam totally made me too sleep deprived to get me moving for an early exercise but I began today with a blank mind and a heart full of emotions. I can't go into details what I've been through but lets just say I ran, not jog, this morning with pure anger, stress and anxieties as motivation. I finish 3 round under 30 minutes at Perdana Park. Sure I took rest and walk but I would start again after a little awhile in almost full sprint. I sweated all over, my limbs and legs wanting to give out and tempting me to let them be all jelly. I rested and sat too soon when I finished so I sore all over and got a headache but my heart was better. I felt like I released the bad vibes. I'm going again tomorrow morn. 

I've been wearing black and no I'm not turning anything remotely into a Baby Punk despite a couple songs in my playlist. Mostly because I feel fat and we all know black is just the most slimmest of colours and plus I don't work with a lot of dark so I'm taking all my leathers, denims, plaids and the swept to the side look. I have to say I'm real proud of my outfit creations. Right now I'm wearing a black silk tank with a high-waisted red plaid skirt and when I need to run errands, I take my denim jacket that goes just past my thighs that makes the whole outfit come together and add a masculinity to edge. 

I'll also be taking on some spring looks too since I'm starting to exercise and using the yoga mat for at-home workouts. Scrolled through some colleges in the UK and US thanks to the good gracing of a friend and told my brothers excitedly about because I discussed with the agent about Psychology majors and not Law. They are of course my permanent Devil's Advocate in life and cause more stress during the past few weeks. You think the horrid acne on my face is just exam but they contribute too. I'm also extremely frustrated with people who are friends of my families and when they ask what I want to do and I tell them Psychology to those who are close enough and "I'm not so sure" to those who aren't. And most of the time their replies are very factual and realistic which I don't mind but they never offer a hint that it is my choice or that my choice and/or unsureness were reassured to be smooth and I've feel so restraint without cause or good reason. They push their opinions on me, thinking it aligns to what I like and when I don't object (out of kindness to spare them from awkwardness had I told them they were wrong), they concluded they have me figured out. People like my Mom and good friends don't do this, they know me. We debate and discuss all on correct grounds. We have build an aptitude towards each other that we know what to say, what not to say and when. I feel less of constrictions with them than others, who makes me rather shoot myself than listen to them talk about my future. Literally.

 So here are a bit of updates to my creative work aside from styling new outfits, I just made a highlighter liquid. Its main ingredients is the highlight stimulant aka lime and coconut oil to moisturize and condition hair. Have yet to test it out but I will during one of my jogs in the morning where plenty of sun can start the lightening process. Will tell you the conclusive result. Also trying rice-based local facial masks and although it may be improving my pimples, it sure makes my face so smooth-feeling and supple which is something I love. Musicwise I am in love with Sia's "Chandelier" and the dancing girl in the video, really struck a cord in my heart, both of them. I've also been into "Carried Away" by Passion Pit, "Car Radio" by Twenty One Pilots (this is more expressive so if you're interested to check it out, look up the lyrics as you listen to it and you'll get it) and Two Fingers by Jake Bugg though it doesn't mean I like smoking, I just think this one is so damn catchy. I also like the recent known one like One Republic's "Love Runs Out".

Home

  I'm finally home. With my Mom's wrist finally getting healing to the point she can drive, I no longer have to stay in someone else's home. I'm thankful for my Uncle and Aunt but with having to stay for nearly a month, I felt to alienated there. The people there were great, I got to watch some good TV and I got to eat indoors which I prefer a hell lot for dinner most of the time but my cousin's and wife's room didn't feel right with me. I could sleep and everything but when I wanted to focus and study, it was hard for me to get into it. Being back today, I obediently cleaned the house like my Mom wanted to cause I felt right in my own zone again. My own world and I was homesick even though I didn't even leave the country.

  I can't quite describe you the totally uncomfortable and anxious feeling I get from staying too long at a home you knew wasn't nor look or felt like your own. It really made me think as what makes a home for you. If you all seen my red pencil case, you'll see a drawn on room of a sort with old vintage furniture and cool quoted posters. Bits of plants here and there too. I think if I had a home of my own, I clutter the place but try to keep a well neat system. I would paint my own wall or two, maybe like a nice gradient look. Thrift shop some nicks and knacks to pin on it. Watercolour some white cups or bowls for my jewellery. Comfy, artsy and completely conventional. My own wonderland. Thinking about it gives me a dreamy comfort.


   My first assessment is over and frankly the only 2 subject I feel I flunked was Add Math and Biology and I'm just so down by it but I'm gonna pray and hope and concentrate elsewhere. Like studying, homework, diy-ing, and improving some habits. Frankly though I've just been procrastinating when really I should get my act together by now to overcome SPM and to be ready for my driver's license and such. Oh me, can you successfully adult when the time counts on it? I waver on that question. 

But oh do I realize the difference at home. I'm a bit more creative here. I do more at-home beauty tricks like exfoliating with sugar. And I'm more likely to aspire to take photos as I realize the flower curtains with the sun behind it makes great lighting or the one square of space in my brothers room against the green bleach walls is perfect for a ootd selfies. Here's a pic at the parking lot in my hood, with no one around most of the time, its perfect for that street neighbourhood look that I crave for with certain outfits on. I've been learning how to braid or do my hair and this comes as a surprise as I long concluded that my hands that were usually great for creative purpose yet could only and barely handle simple braids. In other words, I was just a chaos with my hair. Now I find I can handle my mane better so I'm practising. At home, I can work, be productive, relax, and be inspired too. Plus, I've come to really appreciate my washing machine. I can control anything and everything. From the level of tumble dry, to specific temperatures of the water. My velvets, denims and laced clothes are simply getting the love they need to look like their still just purchased. I am one happy happy and content girl. For now.

Release

  Continuing off what I need to write off from before. Its less than 2 hours from typing this till New Year's Eve. Lots of people don't celebrate this as much, of course frequent annual celebrations like in New York and other places. Those who don't celebrate won't really feel the big deal out of this occasion but you can't escape from December's spell. You will always look back at the year and go through what you've been through which is always making you think "I've been through a lot.". I look back on my instagram and fill in the "deleted" scenes between them whilst remembering. Its overwhelming but 2013 is still an amazing year. Its a transition from a lot of things I'm used to and I don't think I'm finished. I'm still going through my metamorphosis. I'm no adult yet but it is said that the maximum age from teenager/young adult to just adult is 20 and I feel like I'm in the middle of teenager to young adult. I'm not even close to losing the "young" in some aspects of my mind set or habits or personality but I've feel I am bit by bit. But New Year's Eve, the last day till a new year begins. And as we say/kiss/whisper/mentally state goodbye to this year, we ready ourselves to embrace, to greet hello to the new year. So I like approach those reading before the New Year. 

  When we say goodbye, we have to do it proper. To let go some burdens in any form. Whether a bad breakup (friendship or romance), an embarrassing trauma, that horrible comment from someone about you that you can't forget. We let go. I like to visualize my "weigh" as something just going away from me till I can see it with imagination and the closing of my eye. Goodbye means that and it means also to gain a bit more freedom for yourself. You deserve it. Sometimes you even owe yourself that very act. Its not simple, easier said (or typed) than done but the results is worth it. Donating things you don't give much attention to helps in lifting things off you and give you the same lighter feel effect too. Charity. Forgiveness. Release.

  This is also a more special and in-the-moment time to be thankful aside from reflecting. Be grateful what you went through. That you achieved what you have achieved. That you gain memories and met the people you've met in your life. This is the time to celebrate that gratitude because not only can we be thankful, we can be in joy and bask in the good we have piled and collected. Best part is that you're not the only one, the people still standing by around you is going through this phase too. Why not hang together dressed up, with a bit more skip in your steps and good food and let good vibes run through you all the way till the tips of your fingers. Let it just emanate off you like you're wearing your heart out your sleeves.

  And as New Year's Day gets closer, we resolute. We take our new spirit and drive us to be better than the year that pass. To be good. To be kind. In all we do. We tell ourselves "I will be better" and sure the hype of this time even to those who celebrate New Year's Eve may not last through out the year but we resolute still. We strive and wish still. What is so wrong with the concept of wanting to be better?  Nothing. The whole of humanity continues to tell themselves to go another extra mile and we should commend ourselve at the difference we brought ourselves now from before. We are still the same yet we are not. For better or worse we change and that is unstoppable. So we make promises, meaningful ones. To ourselves, to those we love and care. Why? Because in each new year, we get a second chance at another year. A fresh start. Another slate to fill. The first page to write on a 365 paged book. Get rid of old bad habits like postponing errands or letting a chance go. Learn new patterns to etch in yourself like a thinking where we stop wondering "what if's" and think about "what will be". What could be instead of what can't be. Sure there are things out of our control but we still have a shot at it because we tend to forget what we can control. I mean, we have another chance to get it right this time people!

  So if you're not the type to celebrate New Year's Eve, make a tradition for yourself. A tradition/trend is always started by one person and soon the next after all. It really lifts your spirit, as equally as Christmas does. Eventually you get yourself somewhere with that tradition, soon you can even end up celebrating with someone too. Take it upon yourself to do things for yourself. To do things differently or making a difference. Be human, don't forget your roots. Refresh yourself! Jog, be healthy! And to get you into a more New Years mood here are some pointers.

• Listen to "This is the New Year" by Ian Axel or best uplifting and motivational songs of 2013
• Micheal Buble is a great companion before counting down to midnight
• Dress extra special or wear something that makes you feel good
• List 5 things newly good about you throughout the year or your major achievements or things you never thought you EVER do but DID it
• Be excited for another phase of endless possibilities
• Do and give something for others. A compliment or a smile goes a long way.
• Try and get an old promise/resolution done before the countdown, its more exhilarating and you are more likely to succeed to get it done.
• Whatever it is, do it. There are only so many tomorrow's
• You may or may not be a bit more rounder but you're sure as hell a bit more wiser
• The best is yet to come.

 And before I go, I never really talk about New Years and go for Christmas but I forget that I do especially celebrate New Year too. Being in the mood just makes me feel like spreading it to you guys. I'm going to celebrate tomorrow night, definitely counting down and taking candid shots. I wish you all many things for the New Year but above all, I wish you all happiness and prosperity! Ciao guys.

Closure

  There are numerous things I like to convey in this post. To mention some matters and relay more on others but we'll take a step at a time. Now usually I do a year-end-glanicng-back-and-learn-from-it post but like what I did last year by summing three years up, I will do the same next year because next year which is a week from now. I'll be turning Form 5, dealing with SPM, getting my driver's license, graduating with picking a prom dress at hand, and figuring myself out while preparing for my flight to USA until I get my SPM results back. I'm typing it like its a plan but really I'm shit scared at the countless unknowns but I do not ignore just the tinge of excitement found in the corner of my monochromatic heart. Though I'm not doing a look back of 2013, doesn't mean I'm not going to talk about what I've learned so far or was reminded of.

I like to say I discover a lot this year. Myself being one of my finds. I've discover more interest in DIY's, fashion, a bit of photography and editing however whats considered to be a passion would then be writing and fashion. Its almost taboo to discuss after it being discussed before about my ideals of being a full-time author. I know I could get a better and financially secure job while still writing but occasionally I can't help it. My mind wonders and before I could stress on not being able to stop it, it runs. Wherever it runs, I will think instantly. Its kinda like having anxieties and foolish ignorance in one room. Ain't that a party. I know now what I want to do more in the future. Projects that I hope to create or be a part of. I also relearned the heart of the human. I'm not saying I'm the epitome of Freud but you forget change is constant in every aspect of our lives. And this is a problem. Especially in our mindset in our relationships with others. To accurately explain to what I want you all to get. Here's a voice monologue from my one my favs, Grey's Anatomy. 

I literally went mute for about 5 minutes straight after reading this but this wasn't what reminded me, this just elucidate my experience this past year, to clarify them at one of its most truest forms. And when you begin to accept this very true fact of life, slowly or at your own pace, you feel lighter. This was one clarity I hope to never forget. When there is change, there are possibilities of anything and its size is infinite. For better of for worse, we are stuck to change by the hip. So why not make the most of it?

Next is the comfort zone. It is sometimes vital for us to cross the line of boundaries for it is within 30 seconds or more of such courage can we discover more about ourselves. I'm trying so hard not to be cliche but that ship sank long ago when I started this blog so screw that for this time cause this is real. To thread on an adventure, a path we know not, would mean to journey on with the goal of finding our calling in mind. To find where we belong and are meant to be. Sure, what suppose to happen, will happen. Not sooner, not later. However, we need to make effort from our end to pursuit it. No pain, no gain. Simple as that, and yet many times we sit in what is familiar, we lay lazy in what we have known so well and feel so comfortable in. But it is not in the familiar do we grow. It is not in the use of an old key are we able to open a new door. We just exist in so much comfort and simply existing is awful, one of the height of tortures. Imagine Sherlock Holmes ( Benedict Cumberbatch or Robert Downey Jr., whichever your heart desires, they both are tantalizing to the intellectual senses ) who has no job at hand. He doesn't figure out murders or he isn't chasing after Professor Moriarty. He will be insane and not in the usual good kind. It does not do for me nor I truly believe even for you, my readers, for us to be in a state of stagnation such in a way that it stresses badly on us more so than we are busy with work. Its like we agree we love to do nothing but at the same time we can't do nothing either. We are made to function, to DO. It is undeniable. 

So there are more to type but I will leave that on the next time as that would mean there is a next time to look forward to. If you have an opinion of your own just comment here that you post about it! Hehe, bye guys!

Describe

de·scribe

diˈskrīb/

verb

1.

give an account in words of (someone or something), including all the relevant characteristics, qualities, or events.

2.

mark out or draw (a geometric figure).

Its a word we are all to familiar with but often had difficulty trying to do , especially in exams. You are expected to write an experience or a memory on the essay section of your English paper or elucidate details on how to make/choose a suitable engine that will efficiently make jets travel faster without any collateral damage in terms of technicality in Physics. But I will spare you such boring terror and instead do so of my day today.

As of this moment, I am typing this on my laptop which takes solace on the arm of my Lorenzo branded leather couch with a bag of mini hot dogs from Southern bakery to accommodate my stomach for energy. Beside the sagged family seating is a chair strewn with my Mom's fave gray cardie, my navy sweater with my red Cabin Creek Genuine Leather clutch and my tablet on top of them charging and within arm reach from me as I youtube search on my lappie. 

I'm wearing a gray dress with white frills as the skirt and the name "New York" printed across my chest on it. I got it 2-3 years back and have never really worn it so wearing it now, it is especially tight in my chest but bearable so what the heck. I hate hate HATE how the skirt of it looks on me now so to fix that I wore my H & M cat skirt which made the whole look chic and uber better. I just trim my hair and got a fringe after 3 years from my last coconut hairstyle. Though its now usually side-swept, I love to spread it out and instantly transform it to a choppy and not-so-thick-and-uneven bangs. Whenever I go to the saloon, I always make sure the hairstylist work on me that I can always end up with two look rather than one whenever I wish. So I can swing between "polish" or "boho messy" without fuss.

 I just charge my camera and is wondering what to do with the pile of vintage hand-me-downs from my Mom. Its a lot and my wardrobe is not enough for all of it and I don't have the hangers either. I have so much to get done before 2013 ends and yet a spell always seem to take over me that at the end of the day, not much gets done. Hope you guys are having better production than I. Here's to one day we be champion of our priorities as well as figure the stuff we have yet to comprehend. Sometimes we learn things too late so Carpe Diem and avoid regrets. Okay I need to go before I get anymore "teenager" on you guys. Byes~

Thanks again for allowing me to visually rick roll you btw!

Kuala Kuala Lumpur

So here is that fashion haul that a couple of people gave the thumbs up to. But here are also some brief pictures of my trip that I snapped.

Modern Family. Heeeyyy

 Sunway Lagoon, look at them lips.

This vintage wall of an old chinese tea house now a restaurant really made subtle statement to me. 

And that was about it in terms of some pictures I really wanna show you. Now without further ado, here is that intro to the haul.

  People have already seen me in this little outfit. Blue velvet crop top from Forever21 and pale pink cat patterned skirt from H & M. I love both pieces, it easily can be a fit and flare outfit. They way the skirt swish around as I turn. Crop top however is my second favourite. My first fav will be seen later but this top was by far unique, it was velvet after all and that in itself has made itself. It wasn't going to sway like the usual crop top that were made with a much more lighter fabric and it wasn't hot to wear with our weather lately. The skirt itself was really quirky and frankly it fitted me the way I wanted it too.

Zooming in, this was statement necklace from Forever21, I'm trying to gather some worthy statement pieces jewellery that I can throw on as the only thing I need to wear to just give that right amount of pop. This necklace was not only on sales but was the right element for possible outfits

This isn't exactly attractive of a picture and from Uniqlo's terms, their known as legging though more like jeggings for me so I call them that. There snugly fit and this navy colour makes my legs much slimmer looking. I mean just to really justify these awesome pair, the minute I wore them in the fitting room, the first word that escaped my mouth was what beavers were making at rivers only with the letter "n" at the end. Thats how much I love them and you might see me sporting it a lot as it is super duper comfy.

I love love LOVE navy soft sweater jacket. I had two from 12 years old until now and this Mango branded one is my third. Its pricey albeit, the price was RM55 but OH you should wear it before you realize that the fact is the price is already 30% discounted. Its fitted and smooth against my skin, and if you aim for that all-together clean look, this is the item that can easily deduce that. I also like the little detail on the ribbon that aren't made of the usual silky feel but is instead velvet which is cute.

This was bought off from just a random shop. It was around RM30 if I'm not wrong. I really love this red "NERD" shop. Shirt with printed statements that are so rad really took its place in the street fashion world this year and continuing on to years later. Its pretty comfy and it almost give the school vibe which to be honest I kinda miss. Kinda.

Taking a closer look, here is a pearl ear cuff and earring set from F21. Something I really like when I spotted it at the F21 in 1Utama Mall. Though I would never recommend wearing the ear cuff long term, your ear lobe will turn red and you'll feel a kind of pinch. If it was just for anything that take 2-3 hours than these babes can edge out your look, especially with a deep side part hairstyle. They can portray any girl to be a hardcore punk with sense of class.

Now here is my first favourite. On my second trip in KL, I saw at least 2-3 girls, scratch that, working women who were sporting this skirt while shopping. I was so fiercely tempted to ask them where had they got there ideal tartan plaids. Was it from Zara? I checked out Topshop and despite them currently selling those skirts, I couldn't find them. I was suspicious whether they were hidden in secret racks that I may have missed. Finally I found one for myself. Its perfect, high-waisted, the ultimate basic to achieving a true punk rock grunge look. Its also my most expensive skirt by far and let just say the price was just below RM100 by only a extremely small gap. For a more girl school look as well as to retain heat for my -8 degree C holiday trip for next year, I got knee high socks from Uniqlo. They fit great and I got both the navy and grey as a set for about RM40. There real cuties are going to be an adventure to style with. Hehehe.

The last accessories I got from F21 is this blue crystal ribbon ring with the thinnest gold band to it that makes me treat it with a delicate care. Its not only girl but its tiny size add a good detail to my hands. However to be honest, I wear the silver oval-shaped turquoise ring (F21 too) the most. Its chunky which can even out textures when wearing a lot of rings on one hand but it works wonders alone too. I consider it to be a daily wear for me and I'm so used to it it doesn't bother me when I'm eating and fussing about with all the cutlery. Most likely of its gypsy and badass vibe that its become literally my favourite accessory. 

And thats about it folks. Hope you all enjoy my haul and really sorry if some of the pics are bad, I aim to deliver as best as I could. Bye chicas!

Promises

I'm been going through like different phases of the mind. I'm not sure is it because of my time in KL for the second time that made me think about loads of things, seriously I've feel like I'm stressing about nothing and yet about everything. Reading Anne Frank: The Diary of a Young Girl made me see more desires and future aspiration again. Anne's spirit reminded of what I lost somewhere along the year. The drive to somehow change the world and make something of yourself that whatever it is you end up making, it lives on in others that even after you're no longer on earth, you made your print on others that you live on. That is the "immortality" we can achieve for ourselves. One of the most common, most likely even global, problem is we fear to be forgotten. Can any of you honestly tell me you remember who your great great great grandparent were? Nor those before them for that matter? What were they doing in order to get where your grandparents are now today? Most people can't answer that. The best we can do is make an imprint on the people currently around us but at best we linger in memories at a maximum of 2 generations. I really really want to perfect so many things, writing, literary, and etc. The world seems vast and no matter how harsh it may be, I refuse to be disheartened by it. I mean I had more spunk and fierce in my dreams when I was 12, I don't feel that fire lately. So 2014 and the years to come, I'm coming because I don't wanna just preach Nelson Mandel's (RIP sir cuz what you strive against discrimination and everything else is not only inspring but amazing) words but also practise it.

 With all the time I have, I also manage to catch up with old movies. From the year 2013 all the way to 1990's movies. Broadway films to action packed thriller and comedy romances. I'm on a roll but it also reminded on a lot of things. How we're all too young to be this cynical, to be a realist in the wrong direction of life, and we have the future ahead for us to design and create. I hope mine is big and bright but where would it stand to be those two characteristics I have yet to know or realize. I've been into fashion a lot. Reading articles and keeping up with a bunch of american magazines as well a bit of the european fashion talk. I'm trying to test what I like to wear and get the basics down. Coming up a new outfit as I go is not easy but its a good brain teaser considering the colour codes as well as proportions. Ah proportion...thighs...gahhhh. Its okay, I lost some of the extra weight and I'm just 1.6kg away so its alright. Yeah.

Anyway I got some great haul from my two trip to KL, whether I should blog about it, I'm not so sure. I've got some Forever21 and Uniqlo winter/fall duds. You guys interested? Comment peeps!