Hey guys, I'm not suppose to be posting while multi-tasking with doing my History Project and listening to Owl City and being on We Heart It but I've just needed to get some load of my heart. Some of you may sort of guess it from my post with the title "Ignarus Fossos" and "Strangely not understandable" that I have issues with a guy whom you all know is my Dad.
As you grow older, you bare your families burden someday. That apparently includes secrets and the details of the past to teach you not to make the same the mistakes they make.My Dad is one of them. Its probably cause by how old fashioned he was raised and how negatively effected he is by today modern scandal, malice and temptations.
If you read my post, you can sort of get an idea what kind of person he as a Dad. Not as a friend, a business man, boss or anything else, but a family guy. And so far you see he suck at that "career". Of course you might be saying how should I know he fail as a dad and a husband. I mean I'm just 15 but trust me you don't know half of the story. My two besties knows and its comforting to share it with them. Almost everyone have had any form of problem within their families. I don't mean like the small, no big deal kind of course. We all had that one where something tragic happen within the important circle of a family and once you experience even a whiff of it, you don't want it to happen again.
I've have never met anyone like my Dad. He is a tyrant with a lost heart that has long been consumed by the unworthy things of life. If you hear of "Glitter and Gold" by Rebecca Ferguson, I would say it fit him right.
Just when you think that someone could not stoop any lower, the inevitable frap that life gives happens. When that happens, you realize the good stuff and appreciate it more and you've gain a life experience. With things going the way it seems to go, I might nearly develop a gamophobia to which I receive advice to not let it effect me and pick my self-confidence back. I receive also advice to give my Dad a second chance and I do n't want to take heed in that advice because although I believe in people deserving second chances, I don't believe in giving them the next time or the next next time. Especially when many "second" chances were given over the past 20 years, if you get my point.
I have no idea what to think anymore. I do know I've love and appreciate my mum more than ever. I am on the verge of feeling totally broken but because of the training for sports day, I managed to release all my stress and horrible auras with 6 laps of running and mid way jogging plus walking, marching right after that and as well coming to be less aware of my surroundings to totally just concentrate on working out. Miraculously, I have not fainted because I didn't push myself like I used to and take it moderately. Although my Dad is stooping lower and lower as a man day by day, I can take without holding too much grudge and feeling totally hurt by the reality of his actions.
So I cry when my Mum tells me all the suffering she had to take for me and I could never not cry over the raw love she has given to me. I have a feeling that in the future, my Dad would only be as involved in my life when needed for family gatherings like weddings and graduation (which I am not to keen on its possibility of happening).
Although many people say "why waste yourself on someone who has never been there for you, in success or in failure, in health or in sick, when you already have people who has been there for you", I never expected that theory to apply to family.
Currently I'm much more relaxed however, I can't say I'm prepare for all the proving and justifying acts that will be done for this situation. I'm just trying to busy myself with literally anything I can be busy with. School, DS games, Music. The ones that help me heal mainly were "Take Care" by Drake ft. Rihanna and "Both of us" by B.O.B ft. Taylor Swift. They literally pulled me through it and I'm glad that I heard the songs.
