Release

  Continuing off what I need to write off from before. Its less than 2 hours from typing this till New Year's Eve. Lots of people don't celebrate this as much, of course frequent annual celebrations like in New York and other places. Those who don't celebrate won't really feel the big deal out of this occasion but you can't escape from December's spell. You will always look back at the year and go through what you've been through which is always making you think "I've been through a lot.". I look back on my instagram and fill in the "deleted" scenes between them whilst remembering. Its overwhelming but 2013 is still an amazing year. Its a transition from a lot of things I'm used to and I don't think I'm finished. I'm still going through my metamorphosis. I'm no adult yet but it is said that the maximum age from teenager/young adult to just adult is 20 and I feel like I'm in the middle of teenager to young adult. I'm not even close to losing the "young" in some aspects of my mind set or habits or personality but I've feel I am bit by bit. But New Year's Eve, the last day till a new year begins. And as we say/kiss/whisper/mentally state goodbye to this year, we ready ourselves to embrace, to greet hello to the new year. So I like approach those reading before the New Year. 

  When we say goodbye, we have to do it proper. To let go some burdens in any form. Whether a bad breakup (friendship or romance), an embarrassing trauma, that horrible comment from someone about you that you can't forget. We let go. I like to visualize my "weigh" as something just going away from me till I can see it with imagination and the closing of my eye. Goodbye means that and it means also to gain a bit more freedom for yourself. You deserve it. Sometimes you even owe yourself that very act. Its not simple, easier said (or typed) than done but the results is worth it. Donating things you don't give much attention to helps in lifting things off you and give you the same lighter feel effect too. Charity. Forgiveness. Release.

  This is also a more special and in-the-moment time to be thankful aside from reflecting. Be grateful what you went through. That you achieved what you have achieved. That you gain memories and met the people you've met in your life. This is the time to celebrate that gratitude because not only can we be thankful, we can be in joy and bask in the good we have piled and collected. Best part is that you're not the only one, the people still standing by around you is going through this phase too. Why not hang together dressed up, with a bit more skip in your steps and good food and let good vibes run through you all the way till the tips of your fingers. Let it just emanate off you like you're wearing your heart out your sleeves.

  And as New Year's Day gets closer, we resolute. We take our new spirit and drive us to be better than the year that pass. To be good. To be kind. In all we do. We tell ourselves "I will be better" and sure the hype of this time even to those who celebrate New Year's Eve may not last through out the year but we resolute still. We strive and wish still. What is so wrong with the concept of wanting to be better?  Nothing. The whole of humanity continues to tell themselves to go another extra mile and we should commend ourselve at the difference we brought ourselves now from before. We are still the same yet we are not. For better or worse we change and that is unstoppable. So we make promises, meaningful ones. To ourselves, to those we love and care. Why? Because in each new year, we get a second chance at another year. A fresh start. Another slate to fill. The first page to write on a 365 paged book. Get rid of old bad habits like postponing errands or letting a chance go. Learn new patterns to etch in yourself like a thinking where we stop wondering "what if's" and think about "what will be". What could be instead of what can't be. Sure there are things out of our control but we still have a shot at it because we tend to forget what we can control. I mean, we have another chance to get it right this time people!

  So if you're not the type to celebrate New Year's Eve, make a tradition for yourself. A tradition/trend is always started by one person and soon the next after all. It really lifts your spirit, as equally as Christmas does. Eventually you get yourself somewhere with that tradition, soon you can even end up celebrating with someone too. Take it upon yourself to do things for yourself. To do things differently or making a difference. Be human, don't forget your roots. Refresh yourself! Jog, be healthy! And to get you into a more New Years mood here are some pointers.

• Listen to "This is the New Year" by Ian Axel or best uplifting and motivational songs of 2013
• Micheal Buble is a great companion before counting down to midnight
• Dress extra special or wear something that makes you feel good
• List 5 things newly good about you throughout the year or your major achievements or things you never thought you EVER do but DID it
• Be excited for another phase of endless possibilities
• Do and give something for others. A compliment or a smile goes a long way.
• Try and get an old promise/resolution done before the countdown, its more exhilarating and you are more likely to succeed to get it done.
• Whatever it is, do it. There are only so many tomorrow's
• You may or may not be a bit more rounder but you're sure as hell a bit more wiser
• The best is yet to come.

 And before I go, I never really talk about New Years and go for Christmas but I forget that I do especially celebrate New Year too. Being in the mood just makes me feel like spreading it to you guys. I'm going to celebrate tomorrow night, definitely counting down and taking candid shots. I wish you all many things for the New Year but above all, I wish you all happiness and prosperity! Ciao guys.

Closure

  There are numerous things I like to convey in this post. To mention some matters and relay more on others but we'll take a step at a time. Now usually I do a year-end-glanicng-back-and-learn-from-it post but like what I did last year by summing three years up, I will do the same next year because next year which is a week from now. I'll be turning Form 5, dealing with SPM, getting my driver's license, graduating with picking a prom dress at hand, and figuring myself out while preparing for my flight to USA until I get my SPM results back. I'm typing it like its a plan but really I'm shit scared at the countless unknowns but I do not ignore just the tinge of excitement found in the corner of my monochromatic heart. Though I'm not doing a look back of 2013, doesn't mean I'm not going to talk about what I've learned so far or was reminded of.

I like to say I discover a lot this year. Myself being one of my finds. I've discover more interest in DIY's, fashion, a bit of photography and editing however whats considered to be a passion would then be writing and fashion. Its almost taboo to discuss after it being discussed before about my ideals of being a full-time author. I know I could get a better and financially secure job while still writing but occasionally I can't help it. My mind wonders and before I could stress on not being able to stop it, it runs. Wherever it runs, I will think instantly. Its kinda like having anxieties and foolish ignorance in one room. Ain't that a party. I know now what I want to do more in the future. Projects that I hope to create or be a part of. I also relearned the heart of the human. I'm not saying I'm the epitome of Freud but you forget change is constant in every aspect of our lives. And this is a problem. Especially in our mindset in our relationships with others. To accurately explain to what I want you all to get. Here's a voice monologue from my one my favs, Grey's Anatomy. 

I literally went mute for about 5 minutes straight after reading this but this wasn't what reminded me, this just elucidate my experience this past year, to clarify them at one of its most truest forms. And when you begin to accept this very true fact of life, slowly or at your own pace, you feel lighter. This was one clarity I hope to never forget. When there is change, there are possibilities of anything and its size is infinite. For better of for worse, we are stuck to change by the hip. So why not make the most of it?

Next is the comfort zone. It is sometimes vital for us to cross the line of boundaries for it is within 30 seconds or more of such courage can we discover more about ourselves. I'm trying so hard not to be cliche but that ship sank long ago when I started this blog so screw that for this time cause this is real. To thread on an adventure, a path we know not, would mean to journey on with the goal of finding our calling in mind. To find where we belong and are meant to be. Sure, what suppose to happen, will happen. Not sooner, not later. However, we need to make effort from our end to pursuit it. No pain, no gain. Simple as that, and yet many times we sit in what is familiar, we lay lazy in what we have known so well and feel so comfortable in. But it is not in the familiar do we grow. It is not in the use of an old key are we able to open a new door. We just exist in so much comfort and simply existing is awful, one of the height of tortures. Imagine Sherlock Holmes ( Benedict Cumberbatch or Robert Downey Jr., whichever your heart desires, they both are tantalizing to the intellectual senses ) who has no job at hand. He doesn't figure out murders or he isn't chasing after Professor Moriarty. He will be insane and not in the usual good kind. It does not do for me nor I truly believe even for you, my readers, for us to be in a state of stagnation such in a way that it stresses badly on us more so than we are busy with work. Its like we agree we love to do nothing but at the same time we can't do nothing either. We are made to function, to DO. It is undeniable. 

So there are more to type but I will leave that on the next time as that would mean there is a next time to look forward to. If you have an opinion of your own just comment here that you post about it! Hehe, bye guys!

Describe

de·scribe

diˈskrīb/

verb

1.

give an account in words of (someone or something), including all the relevant characteristics, qualities, or events.

2.

mark out or draw (a geometric figure).

Its a word we are all to familiar with but often had difficulty trying to do , especially in exams. You are expected to write an experience or a memory on the essay section of your English paper or elucidate details on how to make/choose a suitable engine that will efficiently make jets travel faster without any collateral damage in terms of technicality in Physics. But I will spare you such boring terror and instead do so of my day today.

As of this moment, I am typing this on my laptop which takes solace on the arm of my Lorenzo branded leather couch with a bag of mini hot dogs from Southern bakery to accommodate my stomach for energy. Beside the sagged family seating is a chair strewn with my Mom's fave gray cardie, my navy sweater with my red Cabin Creek Genuine Leather clutch and my tablet on top of them charging and within arm reach from me as I youtube search on my lappie. 

I'm wearing a gray dress with white frills as the skirt and the name "New York" printed across my chest on it. I got it 2-3 years back and have never really worn it so wearing it now, it is especially tight in my chest but bearable so what the heck. I hate hate HATE how the skirt of it looks on me now so to fix that I wore my H & M cat skirt which made the whole look chic and uber better. I just trim my hair and got a fringe after 3 years from my last coconut hairstyle. Though its now usually side-swept, I love to spread it out and instantly transform it to a choppy and not-so-thick-and-uneven bangs. Whenever I go to the saloon, I always make sure the hairstylist work on me that I can always end up with two look rather than one whenever I wish. So I can swing between "polish" or "boho messy" without fuss.

 I just charge my camera and is wondering what to do with the pile of vintage hand-me-downs from my Mom. Its a lot and my wardrobe is not enough for all of it and I don't have the hangers either. I have so much to get done before 2013 ends and yet a spell always seem to take over me that at the end of the day, not much gets done. Hope you guys are having better production than I. Here's to one day we be champion of our priorities as well as figure the stuff we have yet to comprehend. Sometimes we learn things too late so Carpe Diem and avoid regrets. Okay I need to go before I get anymore "teenager" on you guys. Byes~

Thanks again for allowing me to visually rick roll you btw!

Kuala Kuala Lumpur

So here is that fashion haul that a couple of people gave the thumbs up to. But here are also some brief pictures of my trip that I snapped.

Modern Family. Heeeyyy

 Sunway Lagoon, look at them lips.

This vintage wall of an old chinese tea house now a restaurant really made subtle statement to me. 

And that was about it in terms of some pictures I really wanna show you. Now without further ado, here is that intro to the haul.

  People have already seen me in this little outfit. Blue velvet crop top from Forever21 and pale pink cat patterned skirt from H & M. I love both pieces, it easily can be a fit and flare outfit. They way the skirt swish around as I turn. Crop top however is my second favourite. My first fav will be seen later but this top was by far unique, it was velvet after all and that in itself has made itself. It wasn't going to sway like the usual crop top that were made with a much more lighter fabric and it wasn't hot to wear with our weather lately. The skirt itself was really quirky and frankly it fitted me the way I wanted it too.

Zooming in, this was statement necklace from Forever21, I'm trying to gather some worthy statement pieces jewellery that I can throw on as the only thing I need to wear to just give that right amount of pop. This necklace was not only on sales but was the right element for possible outfits

This isn't exactly attractive of a picture and from Uniqlo's terms, their known as legging though more like jeggings for me so I call them that. There snugly fit and this navy colour makes my legs much slimmer looking. I mean just to really justify these awesome pair, the minute I wore them in the fitting room, the first word that escaped my mouth was what beavers were making at rivers only with the letter "n" at the end. Thats how much I love them and you might see me sporting it a lot as it is super duper comfy.

I love love LOVE navy soft sweater jacket. I had two from 12 years old until now and this Mango branded one is my third. Its pricey albeit, the price was RM55 but OH you should wear it before you realize that the fact is the price is already 30% discounted. Its fitted and smooth against my skin, and if you aim for that all-together clean look, this is the item that can easily deduce that. I also like the little detail on the ribbon that aren't made of the usual silky feel but is instead velvet which is cute.

This was bought off from just a random shop. It was around RM30 if I'm not wrong. I really love this red "NERD" shop. Shirt with printed statements that are so rad really took its place in the street fashion world this year and continuing on to years later. Its pretty comfy and it almost give the school vibe which to be honest I kinda miss. Kinda.

Taking a closer look, here is a pearl ear cuff and earring set from F21. Something I really like when I spotted it at the F21 in 1Utama Mall. Though I would never recommend wearing the ear cuff long term, your ear lobe will turn red and you'll feel a kind of pinch. If it was just for anything that take 2-3 hours than these babes can edge out your look, especially with a deep side part hairstyle. They can portray any girl to be a hardcore punk with sense of class.

Now here is my first favourite. On my second trip in KL, I saw at least 2-3 girls, scratch that, working women who were sporting this skirt while shopping. I was so fiercely tempted to ask them where had they got there ideal tartan plaids. Was it from Zara? I checked out Topshop and despite them currently selling those skirts, I couldn't find them. I was suspicious whether they were hidden in secret racks that I may have missed. Finally I found one for myself. Its perfect, high-waisted, the ultimate basic to achieving a true punk rock grunge look. Its also my most expensive skirt by far and let just say the price was just below RM100 by only a extremely small gap. For a more girl school look as well as to retain heat for my -8 degree C holiday trip for next year, I got knee high socks from Uniqlo. They fit great and I got both the navy and grey as a set for about RM40. There real cuties are going to be an adventure to style with. Hehehe.

The last accessories I got from F21 is this blue crystal ribbon ring with the thinnest gold band to it that makes me treat it with a delicate care. Its not only girl but its tiny size add a good detail to my hands. However to be honest, I wear the silver oval-shaped turquoise ring (F21 too) the most. Its chunky which can even out textures when wearing a lot of rings on one hand but it works wonders alone too. I consider it to be a daily wear for me and I'm so used to it it doesn't bother me when I'm eating and fussing about with all the cutlery. Most likely of its gypsy and badass vibe that its become literally my favourite accessory. 

And thats about it folks. Hope you all enjoy my haul and really sorry if some of the pics are bad, I aim to deliver as best as I could. Bye chicas!

Promises

I'm been going through like different phases of the mind. I'm not sure is it because of my time in KL for the second time that made me think about loads of things, seriously I've feel like I'm stressing about nothing and yet about everything. Reading Anne Frank: The Diary of a Young Girl made me see more desires and future aspiration again. Anne's spirit reminded of what I lost somewhere along the year. The drive to somehow change the world and make something of yourself that whatever it is you end up making, it lives on in others that even after you're no longer on earth, you made your print on others that you live on. That is the "immortality" we can achieve for ourselves. One of the most common, most likely even global, problem is we fear to be forgotten. Can any of you honestly tell me you remember who your great great great grandparent were? Nor those before them for that matter? What were they doing in order to get where your grandparents are now today? Most people can't answer that. The best we can do is make an imprint on the people currently around us but at best we linger in memories at a maximum of 2 generations. I really really want to perfect so many things, writing, literary, and etc. The world seems vast and no matter how harsh it may be, I refuse to be disheartened by it. I mean I had more spunk and fierce in my dreams when I was 12, I don't feel that fire lately. So 2014 and the years to come, I'm coming because I don't wanna just preach Nelson Mandel's (RIP sir cuz what you strive against discrimination and everything else is not only inspring but amazing) words but also practise it.

 With all the time I have, I also manage to catch up with old movies. From the year 2013 all the way to 1990's movies. Broadway films to action packed thriller and comedy romances. I'm on a roll but it also reminded on a lot of things. How we're all too young to be this cynical, to be a realist in the wrong direction of life, and we have the future ahead for us to design and create. I hope mine is big and bright but where would it stand to be those two characteristics I have yet to know or realize. I've been into fashion a lot. Reading articles and keeping up with a bunch of american magazines as well a bit of the european fashion talk. I'm trying to test what I like to wear and get the basics down. Coming up a new outfit as I go is not easy but its a good brain teaser considering the colour codes as well as proportions. Ah proportion...thighs...gahhhh. Its okay, I lost some of the extra weight and I'm just 1.6kg away so its alright. Yeah.

Anyway I got some great haul from my two trip to KL, whether I should blog about it, I'm not so sure. I've got some Forever21 and Uniqlo winter/fall duds. You guys interested? Comment peeps!

Updates

Yes, yes it's been awhile. And yes yes, where's my story? Huge writer's block, one that hasn't budge much. So whats been happening. Hanging out with friends. I watched Hunger Games twice believe it or not. I'm jogging, occasionally. Figuring out my next DIY, those interested in a previous one please check out my personal blog. I've just passed my theory driving test on my second try and thankfully not the mainstream three timer traditional way. 

I am really into my Forever21 velvet blue crop top , I just can't get over how comfy and simple yet such a statement piece it is as a good way to build up around a palette for an outfit. I am making a resolution to save up enough money to buy me a ticket to UK and ticket back home and currently my balance is RM300 so I still got ways to go but I think its a good start. I am co-planning a photoshoot where we dressed each model a different genre of fashion and my friend and I are psyche to style them up for it.

I plan to have lots of sunglasses by 30 years of age. I'm not a maniac but I just love roundish sometime catty style and shaped sunglasses and given KK is such a tropical place where the sun just never ceased to stop loving us, I can afford it. Please don't judge me.I am currently starting my read on "To Kill a Mockingbird" before making my way to "The Diary of Anne Frank." My Mom really really hates it when I'm being a total smartass about things because lets face it, I'm your typical "guy" who just loves to be damned sarcastic and I shamelessly find myself not tolerating it. It is however a huge work in progress.

I've just recently found Florence Welch's own personal instagram account and am not guilty that I am currently following her. I have this stupid self-embarrasing mechanism that decapitates the good citizens whom still upholds whatever is left of chivalry that still exists in our times which I am so very honestly sorry for. I've met this incredibly nice chinese lady who gave me her RM60 worth of vouchers which save a lot from my RM90 plus bill at Forever21 KL and that is really rare chance and of all girls, she bumped into me thank the Lord for His hand of destiny. I did however at first treated her like she may be a con artist because of a lot of stories you hear about KL. Sue me.

And before I end, I hope guys can still be a bit aware of my quickies. Its still here and I don't update it often enough but it does at times leaves a good exciting updates on the happenings of my life. Ciao cool cats!

Updates

Just came back from school and despite my bio exam tomorrow, I sit here idly, typing on my tablet while watching master chef as if I have the time of the world in my possession. I've been procrastinating as usual only I press the pedals of my brain when I do have a textbooks in my grasp. It just started raining and I feel myself transitioning into my more creative right side of my brain. Too not concede to worse temptations this past weeks (ex: like right now), I've tried to focus on playing around with taking photos, reading a couple of pages of any novels nearby where I study or just anything that doesn't involve the internet in general.

I obviously haven't got anything more of favourable substance for you to read but if you don't mind, I leave a poem to this post.

Cold hands, etched with warm veins
She desires the euphoria
to run through them and take reins
For silence again came to her
Its presence made noise
like band of horses made err
Sober still though
was the hero within
she managed to avoid make sin
Rain came and comfort her instead
and she was reminded of October
Thinking Victorians maybe true
As the heavens misses the living all over
And the falling drops were whispering to she
"My thoughts are with you"

Updates

Hey everyone, that is if there still is anyone. Than you guys are just loyal or is just really bored and I'm just a last resort for entertainment.

Quick update though, school play just finish and it ended up in succession that we never dreamed. I've made wonderful memories, gained lovely experiences and got slimmer. Mwahaha.

Now there is just finals and we shall achieve total freedom until "the year". Being the year where it shall be my last year of high school. A year mixed with decisions, restricted from my hobbies and usual procrastination, of finding comfort in sleep than anything else and constant cramming of books. I will truly sacrifice next year and I hope I stay dedicated to just doing that. Until then, I will snap themed shots, style the crap out of some clothing pieces to relish and to just own the lifestyle of fashion over practicality before I submit to a year of sweatpants and hoodies, increase my diy skills like the sims and just mainly be an adventure seeker when given the chance to whilst being inspired as an artist. I will all that while keeping in mind to develop a studious habit.

Its a countdown to the phase I must go through as a form5 and my time to rock and roll in whatever important aspects of my life before that is less than 3 months. Its not a lot, so you better start making do of things.

Standing on electrical wires

Pigeons are just such daredevils. They clutch their claws onto those electrical cords like its nothing but I always just thought that very action wasn't very wise. You think you'll find roasted birds down by the road underneath those things but you don't. Pigeons are legitimately hardcore, except when they fly away from you holding not even a crumb of bread to pay for they company. Their kinda bitchy that way but hey, aren't we all secretly at times?

So its 9 in the morning, I've just took my bath and did my usual face regime which includes pretty much cleansing, toning and a quick swab of SPF.  My mom just got back from her blood test and shes feeling tired so I let her. Despite my stomach growling, I have the highest tolerance for an empty stomach. My head is in a random pile of thoughts that needs to be type, regardless of coordination of the topics or  fact and even more so with what I have in mind. I need a brain wash.

This year have past like the episodes of a season and only the dramas and significant event comes to my mind but there are also the little things about the people around me and me around the people. When someone throws their head back to laugh, the stifling smiles and the roundabout choice of words aimed to make their intention semi-permeable to people they know.We're all just this one big pile of flaws, stitched together by good intentions.

I've draft this and is continuing to type it at 7.28pm now. Listening to my all time favourite Florence and the machines. I spent the day taking pictures of people from the car around the city, I had a few suspicious stares for my brazen act today. I've just text my co-photographer if she was ready for tomorrow's shoot but no reply which inclines me to be a tinsy bit anxious though she mostly like just don't have her phone right now. Strict Asian parents guys. And I also texted of our models if she officially had the full OK for the next day to which seem just a partial OK so far to my knowledge and she isn't answering. I'm hoping she gets my message and answer me stat for I fear that I'll have wronged my Mom in getting up early and picking her up from her house first before destination when it turns out she can't go at all. This does not only wasted gas, time, money and sleeping minutes but which decreases trust and no one can afford to lose trust with their parents, not me. Anxious anxious.

While out text snapping with my babe, I was also trying to find bubble liquid with the blower. I least wanted a bottle with a simple shaped blower but more ideally one with a heart shape. However Giant is the supermarket that sold ones with weird out shapes of blowers and barely enough bottle of bubble liquid. Why I remember finding these guys just anywhere in abundance at the most local shop for such a cheap cheap cheap price. I eventually found one that was the least normal of shapes which is these line of circles arranged from big to small of a blower that provided a good enough amount of liquid. Now I wanted two bottles for one for each of our two models but it cost RM8.90 per bottle which is absuuuurrrddd. Like really? REALLY? I would pay nearly RM18 for two so I immediately just bought one without a second thought. Sure they had the ones where you use a gun or blow in a horribly ugly pipe but it wasn't what I wanted for my pictures which what made finding old school bubble bottle so hard to find for me.

Well, I hope tomorrow will make it all worth it. I'll be smelling in the ocean. Hopefully we'll capture a lot of light and just expressions. And hopefully my effort in reading and a few days practising will be evidently good enough for myself. And that is for today, again wish me luck tomorrow.

Bring out the lenses

So here is that promised Monday post. I've just finished my last exam day and totally did not know that there was school tomorrow still which is unfortunate since I made plans but then again I might cancel since my Mom more keen on the fact I should go, though I'm convinced I'll be the only girl in my class if that were to happen.

So my friends and I are going somewhere with our plans on our photoshoot but still not enough is confirmed to officially send of the OK of this event.

Still my friend who is the other more awesome than I photographer/editor lend me an all-you-need-to-know-on-cameras book that I'm reading from to help be more reacquainted with my old baby as you can see from the photo above. I need to really be creative in order to do my 'Idle' themed series.

Wish me luck guys <3

Blowing the dust off

Hi. I go by the name Sweetme. I hope I'm not quite forgotten. Or maybe I am and if so, I shall remind you all again. 

Okay now that we got the odd introduction aside, I would like to apologize for my absence. Due to my life as a student and my obligations towards my other artistic interest, my laptop have been collecting dust. Literally. I had to wipe it clean and as you can see I just changed the blog's background and template. Now its just posting something to bring this whole site alive

Anyway,I bear good news, at least I hope it is to anyone who enjoys reading my posts or still does. So I'm not sure if I mention before but I got 3 A's for PMR which validated me to get a tablet from my brother, Melvin. Despite how he may be, he loves to spoils me on anything technology and internet related. Its his lane of expertise and got me a Nexus 7. You don't know this but my brother is not in favour of apple products and I was okay with anything as long as I got my own tablet thus explain his choice.

I'm a pretty humble person with technology. I've never ask much of it and my phone is a simple slide up nokia. Now I've got projects and plenty of innovations to achieve, so you'll be seeing me a lot in the next 2 weeks. Especially with my tablet, I think you'll find loads of posts and hopefully pictures as well. I'm loving my nexus right now and we've bonded. I took a lot of selfies and my favourite part of all is getting to check my emails. Granted its use is limited without the internet or any wifi but my emails will be there and I can catch up with everything. Both my contacts and my accounts. Call me weird but I feel bliss at that one perk. And for those who don't know, watsapp and the like aren't completely compatible with my tablet so just try and find me through either line or kakao talk.

I'll admit I've been editing a lot. I can't put a label as to what are my photos are cause I'm not sure of myself but I'll always take ones that inspire me to quote them. I used mostly ones I know and put quotes of my own at times as well. I am even thinking of trying to set up a shoot with a good frined of mine

I've also been keen on DIY's and yes, still into make-up. In fact I got a couple of DIY projects that I am co-operating with a very interested friend as a surprise for other friends. You know who you are haha. I'm so stoke about the holidays that I can't wait. Will post again on Monday! Bye guys!

Dreams to achieve, No idea where or how

So since some misunderstanding, I didn't get to work to this Education UK Exhibition last Saturday but I went to the fair itself with my bro Melvin and my mom.  I was asked (more like forced) to check out the list of colleges and universities that would be there and narrow that down to just unis and cut out a few bit of unis who didn't had courses I like so that we saved up more time since later we had a family event to go. We only visited those unis that I didn't cut.

My bro pretty much started off by letting me go to them but it was my first time and I didn't really had any questions, especially since I was only turning 16 this month. And my bro was like next time, you can't simply be not prepared for these kind of things and I took that into account. I had fun despite it being a bit energy draining but mostly had fun in a sense. I talk to a lot of people who I am so thankful have this cosmic patients with someone who could answer back short answers and not really hopeful ones. I really like talking to this one guy from the University of Derby who was from knew more towards courses involving humanities. There were so nice and I really had an interesting talk with them. I felt I belonged you know and if you could feel that an unfamiliar surrounding, I say thats one of the best right?

I have loads of prospectus too and freebies.Oooohh the freebies. Anyway, it did felt at first awkward to brag randomly a prospectus or a brochure and checking it out with the staff just approaching you. I gain a lot still at the end of the day. Felt really happy.

I still have some prospectus to check out. It lies on the floor, seemingly carrying an air of mighty and mysterious wonders of college life and choices.Often I close my eyes a lot lately, picturing me in my small dorm room. A must-do essay in the screen of my laptop right in from of me. I imagine occasionally when my mind gone blank and when I couldn't find the right word nor the inspiration to continue, I would take a glance up and my ceiling or at my small shelf of books that I've hand picked to bring from Sabah. "Catcher in the Rye", "Lord of the flies". "The Sweet Far Thing", "This is Not a Test"...etc. And I felt a sort of bliss from that. That independence and freedom to yourself. Gah.

I really can't wait for the unexpected in that future. 

Whatchu guys think?

For those of you who don't know or remember, this is my second blog. I still very much know how to log in to my first one and its the sane blog that made me made this blog as an escape from my Fam who would not come to appreciate/accept my teen angst and desires and opinions much as you guys. However I've been developing a sense of anger at how because this blog isn't supposed to be known to my family, I go under the name as "sweetme" which cause me to develop a persona where its me which is great as I have to best freedom to express myself fully but it also makes me have to be careful with pictures which I'm way to lazy and too reluctant to share on FB because if I'm going to put real live pics involving my life, I like to write about them.

I like to write a LOT about them. Worthy of putting in a blog and lately thanks to google chrome apps, I get to edit the picture in a way I like them to be and wish to share them with people. So I'm not asking whether I should drop this blog cause this will still act as my board of expressing myself but what I am asking you guys is, should I reboot my old blog where I'll post on events that has pictures I've collected? I even consider to post my random act of DIY, make-up sesh or interviews. Of course I would need to revamp on its looks as I have left it like so since 2009 and its really designed old.

So comment if you think I should revive me old blog!

Reflection and Updates

When I wake up in the morning on a cloudy weather, a sky that is just too lazy to decide whether it should be a sunny day or a rainy day, I began my day feeling relaxed and he who dare disrupt this vibe before 10 a.m. will suddenly get a very moody girl for no absolute reason. When I wake up in the morning in this weather, I will most likely post something as a way to reflect. I am one of those people that won't really know how to properly understand something in order until I write it and read it over to see if it's correctly express me.

School

I'm fulfilling one of my New Year's resolution of having a fulfilling academic and active extracurricular school life. I never expect it to be so hectic and it feel like the homework I get in Science stream is like I'm working in the office or I'm Uni already. So different from last year where I literally was able to afford procrastinate periods and now its more like I'm trying to implicate the slogan "Work HARD and Play HARD." into my life. You all must see my planner, all the work days have something for me to do and expect and you look at my weekends which are so empty because that would be the two days I fulfill my work and I'll sneak in some computer time. Even took up tuition which I have never really liked because of past experiences with them so I'm hoping I won't have to repeat the same mistakes then now.

I also got my mooting competition, still waiting for that email on some help with finding a lawyer to teach us for free, if not we'll have to pay and that just sucks. So bad for me cuz I've feel its so unfair but ah wells. Theres gonna be some awesome helping work (forgot what was it exactly) by my Leo club on my birthday which I'm looking forward to do. Nothing like doing good on your birthday no?

My brothers find it very relieving that my second and third fav subjects are Physics and Bio. Like they give me that "glad-to-know-you're-sorta-following-our-footsteps" look. Seeing they knew straight away they go for Science without even comparing or considering Commerce, when I did both instead of having a straight forward idea about my upper form future like they did. Despite that, they also love to tell me never to be an engineer, I'll be a slave to an office cubicle like them and they know I hate that work. Or don't be a lawyer, higher chance of building a stuck-up attitude and nobody loves an ass to the core, guy or girl. I didn't know whether to feel happy that they cared or miffed at how many time their telling me this a lot lately in our skype sesh or laugh at their serious reasons for their advice.


Interest

I'm still in on the make-up interest but more so on prepping and looking after your natural beauty side of it. Been really into knowing more on whats in the cleanser, toner, cream and other products. I'm hoping next month for some colorful array of eye liners, particularly a periwinkle one. They make great definition for the eyes and the dimension it makes can make it slightly more fun than using a white one.

I've also been really into fashion again and I'm hoping my wonderful sister-in-law is able to deliver some Forever21 spring and summer tees! I've been inspired to style up with my graphic tees and I'm into getting more really unique ones that I like. I'm not into those Nirvana tees because one I haven't got to really listen to their song so that will have to hold but I'm dead set on getting an animal graphic tee and a mustache one. I've also been contemplating whether or not I should learn to sport a bustier, like those aztec or denim ones this year? Maybe next year. Or this year? Hmmm. Still in love with sweaters and its soon spring so I'm hoping to see lots of color in KK. P.S. the color green mint might be a trend for this floral season so go spread some minty freshness on the street! It really brightens your day!

Pinterest is my main source of inspiration and lately it leads me to feeling to pick up a hobby, not a serious one, just one where I could do once in awhile. Like maybe DIY stuff, I might try to take up learning to buy stuff online but I still need to discuss about it with my Mom. Oh and I'm just slightly embarrassed but lately I've been really into watching Grey's Anatomy S8. I never like the previous seasons so I didn't really watch much but this season is really good. I love the stories on their patient and the lives of the cast. It really teaches you about life and how unimaginable challenges and burdens can come when a human life is in their hands. Totally recommend to watch this seasons show!

Family

Its been rough, especially with my dad. I'm starting to think he is showing signs of bipolar symptoms. I'm not kidding but its not like I'm a licensed doctor so I'll just wait for more concrete evidence to prove whether my hypothesis is correct. I am super off-the-earth-and-into-space happy about the fact that my bro is coming next month and staying for like two weeks though not long enough to my birthday but its still wonderful news and my sis-in-law might drop a visit to give some souvenirs So she asked me if I wanted anything over there.

"Like lets say something Forever21?" she thought aloud, smiling knowingly.

And I said "Yesss!" when really what I wanted to state in my mind was "Hell yeah!!". So I literally emailed a list on shirts and skirts I want, all under $20 so I feel guilt free. 

 
I had a really fun skype sesh with Melvin. We talk about literature and he gave a tour of his new home he shares with his gf. I smile and nodded at all the DIY ikea furniture he mostly got and did himself. And how they didn't want a clock to be the center of this real nice tall white shelf in the living room because then invited guess might perceive it as a symbol that they their lives centrals around time (like doing everything on time exactly, down to its nano seconds sort of ordered life. It'll be the spot where it shows what they just love mainly or along the lines of that so they pick carefully for 20 minutes.). So the lucky object that gets to be the main point of the shelf of the house they decided was a bottle of expensive wine. I laughed so hard at that conclusion and saw the purple bottle just standing out from the rest of books and decor that was placed elsewhere in the shelf. It really does MAKE a difference with what you put at the center place of a home.

 The best thing was that the conversation had everything that we wanted to tell each other yet it was so random with half of the topics and the jokes we made. For once, in my bro's humor for mentioning any involvement of boys in my life, I allow him his satisfaction. Cause usually I just cut him off quick and blunt so I have a feeling he made it his sworn mission to make me compete in one proper clever conversation of banter about my love life that he is so keen that I'm a total activist in it. I was typing an email to an association about help (true story, despite how office that sounded like) and he knew I wasn't paying attention to him so when I responded to late, he noticed.

"Did you hear what I said?" He asked.

 "*type*type* Hm?.......Err...Yesss" Nice cover up there, that was so sincere sweetme.

"Oh thanks ah!" He smiles and I can hear Joanna (aka his gf) snickering at him for being ignored.

"No, I was just busy trying to finish typing an email." I retaliated honestly.

"Oooooohhhh, to whom?" Wiggling eyebrows at me.

"To somebooodee~." I gave him a smirk and a wink.

"Ooooooohhhh~"

"From the sabah law association you suggested before to find a lawyer for my mooting competition." I finished and he paused, gave a blank look to me and laughed. So that was what went down and there were more laughing here and there and random tease and jokes. I loved it.

Others 

I still haven't come up with my sweet sixteen quite yet. My cousies have some ideas but they don't involve what I want to achieve. Might have to discuss that with Mom. Ooohh I also got this one day job thing with a friend at a UK Education expo, real excited for that. I'm just prying for any experiences and this is a great start to exactly that. 

Karaoke with Sam and my lil cousie who will be referred to as Geo for short and he's 11 in case y'all don't know. I mostly rapped though and Geo, for a boy, he's voice is awesome but he's so shy at times. Still think he would make a good singer if he wanted to. Ate cake at secret recipe. Played at the arcade which I haven't done for SO long. Saw some aztec skirts that I made a mental note of trying out next time I see them. We made those jokes that aren't so funny but with people you're close to, it just is and you laugh like mad about it together. We took some random pics too like in the car and some candid dancing they did in the arcade. Now I bring my olympus a lot but the problem is remembering to charge it. However, when the unplanned happens, its really worth carrying it around for no reason cause then we are able to file in some memories and who doesn't love to look back at happy ones? 

--------------------------------------------
So this is when I read this whole post again and reflect and I've filled with this warm fuzzy feeling and filled with this nice light happy mixture in my heart. I feel alive and present. Me having troubles with my family makes me alive. Me studying and going to school and doing homeworks makes me alive. Typing this and all of you reading this makes me alive. It really alters your perspective and even though they were horribly bad times too, they were just bad times. Doesn't mean I'm having a bad life. This is why I like to reflect in writing, it gives me a clarity that I need for me. And that I think, makes writing this post worth something.

To Lonelyness

I won't write or type out I fully understand what you're going through because I don't, that isn't the truth. And I won't tell you that theres people with bigger problems like nuclear war or starving African kids because it won't erase the fact you're still feeling depressed about it. I will say that I can relate to the pain that people who you really love can inflict. Whether a parent slaps a child or a best friend stabbed you in the back, the worse kind of pain isn't the physical action they just inflicted, its the emotional attack they did that really gets you to your knees and make tears form. And you try to blink it back. You try resist it by clenching your first or biting your lip. And you order everyone out your room so you can sob into your pillow so they won't hear you. Cause simply don't want them to know.

And its alright because sometimes people do feel that way. Sometimes you feel Life like its caving in on you. Cornering you. Sometimes people really do feel like they don't want to exist, like they want to just curl up in a ball, and go into that place between life and death. Saying "I don't want to exist" isn't saying "I want to go die". Its saying: "I wish that, for the time being, I could go somewhere and not have to feel."I don't think there is anything wrong with that. I went through a phase like that and to express it, I would write dark phrases and drew blood and blades on a piece of paper. I would then discard them in the trash so no one will find out but eventually it wasn't enough and you'll find yourself expressing it through how you act and move and people will notice. My tuition teacher thought I was acting up weirdly lately and found a scrunched paper of my black letters in her trash bin. Thats what I call them, black letters. And gave it to Mom and we had this talk about how unsatisfied I am and how I could not take the pressure and lecture and scolding back at my Chinese Hell School. Yes, I named that too. Since then, I have refused every thought that would leave me feeling familiarly suicidal and so far I'm slit-wrist clean. I was much vulnerable then, still am now but only I've gained some strength. 

Life has never been nor never will ever feel obligated to give us the thing we expect or deserve but never let it effect you badly for long. Take your time kay? Cuz its all temporary and I find it admirable you didn't do anything when it happened because you could've have risk doing something you regret for a long time for something thats only temporal. So hats off to you for that. That takes a lot of strength to muster.

And like strength, you might also find or be reminded of the good things out of all the horrid and bad. The things that people should smile more about. Lift their spirit knowing it and remembering the beauty of it that will allow the dark to creep at you but never allow it to win over you. And this is all I can say and I pray from the depths of my heart for you. 

And here are a couple of songs you I thought might company you well. Little talks and I know you care. Don't see it as songs of a love of boy and girl but instead see it in different relationship or like in your situation. I highly suggest you listening to them when you're alone and the music is just about the right volume that its like the only voice in your room that just speaks to you. Its one of my comforts and I hope it greatly acts as yours as it does me.

Basic Life Skill:

Locking and Unlocking

  Is what I like to call it but really the general concept of is the ability to know when and what with whom should you let know something about in your life. Did that sentence made sense? As a teen, I slowly learn that the relationship between your parents and you can shift since you'll feel that that there are things you simply can't tell them. There are people who are very depended on their parents about things they go through in life. Whether its about education, relationships or anything at all, we sometimes try to seek advice/guidance from our families about them. However as a girl, I feel that I like to depend on Mom on issues that I have mixed feelings about, whether its about me or others and she gives me her opinions after hearing mine. Sometimes a small debate would rise and would rarely turn to a real fight or any arguments but I always learn something out of our discussions.

 Still, I do not tell her that I may have drank alcohol because I was curious without her permission or that a guy have tried to flirt with me when she leaves me for a moment at malls. I don't tell her I want to make a couple of short stories of dead people or do some serious DIY on so many things at the same time. I just don't until such events were old ones (I've give it a week) or if the situation was just too personal and big and then I'll wait for a couple of years to tell her so she won't have to feel freak out or lecture or worry over me about it. Literally. Thats what I do. 

  Why? Let me give you an example. Say you want to be an artist and you daydream about it and reveal it to your parents. Since you're a teen and is halfway there to adulthood, they think a bit more (actually it varies with different parents) seriously about your future and they would tell you that is has a low success rate, that people don't really earn money that way, that you're better off being a doctor, or lawyer or an engineer blah-de-blah-blah. And you realize that sometimes your parent may not want to listen/know this artsy, impractical and wild self/dreams of yours. You'll know that they won't register the joy in the way you describe about that canvas you finish today or hear your admiration on New York's fashion week, they want to protect you and lead you to the good old right path to good academics and higher chance of guaranteed good life, so you can't blame them. 

  Another examples is that even when you tell them something like "Oh I went to the mall and karaoke with my friends" and your parents/guardian goes "Be careful of the people you encounter there. Make sure you text me back about how you are every 10 minutes, you need to be careful. And don't break the microphones, it may be expensive and who'll have to pay it? BE CAREFUL." or something along the lines of that, yeah. At this point, its common to feel you can't really share somethings with your family because of their sense of responsibility of you. So you sometimes confide in friends (because they would obviously understand and relate to you more) and tell your own family less and less to keep from dwelling into your day-to-day anxieties. Your parents also know they can't protect you from every single bad thing thats out there in the world and neither would you want them too for long either. You'll develop the desire to travel, learn and discover and they can't stop you once you decide on that.

  So although parent try to be interested and make efforts like by asking "How's your day?" and there are still very fortunate times we can still confide in them about everything, we can't all the time. We have to learn when to lock the door and when to unlock it to let them in on the things we've been keeping at the right time. Because parent, we forget, are human too. With their own feelings and hopes and doubts about life. And they can't always be equipped with the right words and knowledge and opinions and mindset when you throw your life crisis/thoughts at em'. You sometimes need some alone time to think, like have an adjustment period, and solve the situation independently or save that talk about this future career project/idea for a more appropriate time. Parents also may secretly haven't fully grasp the idea that we're changing and change is hard and a long process. You can't push it or rush it. So they change too and they need time as well. Figuring out new ways to communicate with you, what they should say to you and how to treat you now as we all are maturing.

  So you don't have to keep it all bottle up forever. You just need to know when to lock it and unlock it at better times. Maybe when you're in Uni or something and you reveal all the naughty pranks you pulled with your friends eh? Its worth the hold up when the opportune time comes. They might even laugh with you, like the time I told my mom that a friend and me saw this senior couple years back, who sat down and we saw more than we should and that we were scarred for life with an image of a red cotton speedo with a hole at the back that revealed his butt crack, and we could tell that hole was designed on it intentionally. See how clearly I remembered? That shows how scarred I am but then we made horridly cruel but utterly knee-slapper jokes about it being worn the wrong way or maybe it was worn the right way and was just a tool to train him how to urinate at one target. We laughed like maniacs then and still do only with now my Mom knowing it. Haha.

So here's that post with the most votes! Hope you like it and leave a comment! Seeya guys!

Updates

  Hi everyone. Its been a long time since I've posted anything and frankly its not because I wasn't online, I was but at the same time doing school work. So far being a science stream student isn't easy as expected but I'm still coping. Somehow. Oh and where are my asian manners? Happy Chinese New Year guys. Grab em' ang pows eh?

  So school has been really keeping my list of "things to do" constantly occupied and I'm never asking myself what else can I do when I'm alone at home. A pretty good flow of work for the holidays. Do really need to get my essay and moral going. Its February already too and with April coming (note the month of the aftermath of my first assessment and family wedding and whatever LAIF have in store for me), I will be busy next month and then less but still busy in April choosing what the heck idea of a design for the color orange that I will be wearing for a reception. Therefore, as lame and as old as the reason is, I'm not gonna be able to post the story. Except maybe just posts of other things.

  And here I am writing this post of "other things" while drinking those vitamin C effervescent drink after just stuffing my stomach with ravioli spinach with light carbonara sauce and green tea ice-cream and discovering a horrid painful zit on the bridge of my nose after reading Seventeen Malaysia Magazine January 2013 issue. Glad I can be so honest with you guys. I'm so sleepy and I think I smudge my eyeliner but I don't care. I am confident I'm writing this post with a state of mind thats between dreaming and sleeping and conscious so sccuuuuussseeee me for any rude, random or totally irrelevant ranting that may or may not make sense to you. *Another swing of weird yet unsually tasty orange potion*

  My only plans of spending my week of precious holiday is especially to get school work done and troll some single people on Valentine's Day through an online dating chat while posing as a freaking platypus named "Pamela" with a friend. That is if I can convince my mother to let me go to her house to accomplish this justifying mission of mine. If however I do succeed in getting permission from my Mom, my friend and I are gonna get our Marinna's "heartbreaker" on with a twist of harmless but good sense of humor. Hopefully we will also encounter single people who isn't a party pooper and find our jokes funny too. Kinda like those people who were victimized through that local radio shows's "Gotcha calls" that ended up thanking them sometimes instead of cursing them like others because they like the good humor and prank and thought it was funny too.

I also hope to be able to prioritize and update my fashion pinterest which have been constantly updated a lot so please click and check it out, it really reflect the essence of fashion I love and would want to reflect in how I dress. Got some style icons like Lana Del Rey and Emma Stone that I so truly look up to and their fashion philosophy. And if you compare to the first few picture I pinned at the bottom of the board to the dozens of the first one you see at the top, you can tell there is an evolution along the way. Its great to enrich your style with more ideas and inspiration and even make your shopping list for my birthday a HELL a lot easier. Haha I'm kidding about the birthday thing. Well, half kidding anyways. 

Now I must go to sleep at midnight since its about this time do my mom tell, we are going for morning mass. Thanks Mom, for delaying my sleep time and probably gracing everyone at church with my groggy face. Okay now I need to at least end this post with something more purposeful than its content so far being just really well....random. So here's a Q to answer to include in your comments my readers. On my next post, which do you want me to do:

1. Fashion themed
2. Beauty
3. Basic life skill (like how I gave an idea that I would post something about it in a old post)
4. Review (Its could be one post about a role model, genre of music, websites that aren't beauty or fashion related cuz I make sure I enrich myself with people and interests and I like sharing what I know and can tell you guys about so this option can be open for any suggestions you like me to make review. Example: pop culture, humility or whatever. Get crazy with your imaginations)




So goodnight goodnight. May you sleep with the sound of fireworks that signals us an arising spark within all of us and that you dream of hazy but beautiful spectrum moments in which we dance across an endless shade of dark blue.
 

"Cuz baby you're a firework! C'mon, show 'em what you're worth!

 Make 'em go "Oh! Oh! Oh!

As you shoot across the sky-y-y!"