Continue..

Ok. I got some new one!!

You tell me I'm pretty when I feel ugly. You tell me I'm funny when I get the jokes wrong. You tell me you feel irritated when I'm with another guy. You shower me with tender soft kisses. Cherishing me as you hug me.

I feel like I'm the luckiest girl ever. Having you and your love. We had our ups and downs together but in the end, we still love each other. I remember the day I met you. It wasn't exactly a magical moment, but it wasn't something to regret either.

When you hug me, I feel safe. I'm wrapped around in your protection. The sweet warmth going through me. When you kiss me, I feel loved. The feel of your lips on mine gave out a pleasant tingle that melts my frozen, stoned heart. When you say you love me, I feel happy. An overwhelming joy came over me like a tidal wave and my heart would skip a beat as it races for you to say it again.

I like this one!! Comment pwease!!

Determination

I realize about Mum's life when she got married. She didn't really love her first wedding. She was Kadazan. My Dad was chinese. On her wedding day, a friend of hers once said "Luckily you don't know chinese!". Why? My Dad's side of the family never really like my Mum. Especially my aunts. Dad's parents didn't mind and treat her kind but its had you know? She helped my uncles and aunts in some many things. Yet they gossip her like that. When I was still a primary school, she always said things to me about what they did to her because I love my cousins from their side. She wanted to warn me to no be so vulnerable to them.

She suffered even from her side of the family. Where they were sometimes short of money and whenever she lent them, they never paid back. She standing up for herself and for me so I don't have to be like her. The only people from her side of her family was her bro's wife. She understands mum more than anyone and when I need a real "sister" about these things it would be her daughter as well. Sam. Who I won't have for long cuz next year she'll be out there having her own life.

I can feel my Mum's pain at times and I don't want to end up like my Mum. I want to have my own career. I want to take her to a places away from those people. I don't want to be hurt or to help people like them. I want to live my own life. I want to go to university. I went to write romance books. I want to live a life where daggers won't be stabbed right behind me. I want to be around people I can trust. I want to be determined to be strong, to be a better person and to be succeeding in thins I want to do. I want to do this in the right process. I don't dropping out of school and run away. I want to properly escape before I fall to a hell hole.

I'm crying as I am writing this. Maybe I'm scared? Maybe I might regret this but my Mum who has loved me more than anyone else in the family. Its unbearable and its so frustrating at times. I'm stuttering as I'm reading this back. I have a hard shell but I'm still human. Oh God please guide me I ask this through Jesus name amen!

Things turn the other way around..

When you grow up anyway. When I was little I always expected Dad's arrival and when he's not here felt lonely and sad but my Mum always looked grim whenever I go "Mummy Mummy!! Dad is coming this Saturday again!". I as an observant child always wondered why?

As I grow I realized my Dad was such a workaholic where even when I was still a baby and mum was dead sick. He would be so busy or too tired from work to help. Was what my Mum told me. At first I didn't believe it but that does not mean I'm not willing to consider it. I observed and tested towards him. He turn from that Dad who I miss so much to the Dad I want to protest against almost as much as I wanted when I feel like angry towards Mum. Who really means well. He does love me but the way he does it doesn't show that sometimes. They are times when I wanted to screamed at him. Sometimes I think they will be a day where he will slap me on the face for something that I would decide.

He doesn't treat me like a girl. He does gives me responsibilities to do. I will do it but the way he says it make me feel like not doing it. Ever heard the word politeness?? I pissed him off too but I guess it partly my fault as well. So I'm gonna do as he says for now but if he still acts a hypocrite, a monster to me in my life, I will not leave things as it is. I will protest!

Vacation!

And what more can better things come when you're going with your besties!!! The sun view! The sandy beach! Its heaven but at last cruel fate came to bully on me again. It seems another different fairytale open up to me with the same "secret" prince it again. I call him secret because it didn't cross my mind it would be him even though he was always there. I kinda do have feeling for him but right now they're only a kinda and he wants my response. So I made a deal . During my trip he can't sms or call me. So I can think about my response. (and because its fun to tease him when he can't stop himself easily when wanting to sms or call me). Yes I'm evil.

So I'll be going around 4-7 sept!! Can't wait!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I feel like writing some stuff now. Pls comment and tell watcha think!

I stand here looking

at the light blue sky

I'm thinking of you again

Your smile, your eyes and the whispers of love

you always said in my ear

Couldn't we meet again like before?

Under the shining glow of the moon

in the middle of this island where I always longed for you

The gods above are so unfair

trampling both you and I

to the point where we can't see each other

How I wish I roll the dice again

just to get the chance to be in your arms

just to hear those three words from you

Is this truly a love that cannot be true?

Well watcha think? I kinda like it. Felt kinda lovey-dovey!! So pls comment!!

Put a little hope

Today a crazy idea came over me. Telling my mum I got confessed by a few guys last year and this year too. I don't know why but theres a sudden confidence she wouldn't be mad. I mean I've been single so far..Well most of the time anyway. She took it quite well. Far more than I have expected.

You see I don't really like to keep secrets from my Mum. I love her very much and I see this friend of mine being so open to her Mum and her Mum is always saying just the right things without really showing much anger. So shes someone you could easily talk to. Shes a very nice lady and nowadays so is my AWESOME MOTHER!! hahaha!

So tell it to that person with a little hope and courage if he/she deserves to know or when you want to get it off your chest. They maybe angry for awhile about it but they calm down knowing at least you told them. Though they are a limit in how many you can reveal. So just be careful kay? Thats it for now. Bye stalker! Come back and stalk on this blog again!!

New beginnings

I just went through, well just like every teens, a problematic situation and at the end of all the monstrosity, I learn something out of it. No matter how heavy the situation you've been trough, keep a straight face and move on. Though it may be hard. Its part of growing up. Everyones like a butterfly. You may get damage while flying but one way or the other, you slowly let it go and you're reborn again. With a new and more beautiful wings.

Thats why if you notice, I change my profile pic. I'm a new born butterfly! Truthfully its not a monstrosity. Its a beautiful mess of life. Despite the heartbreaks, the joys, the tears, the laughter,the dramas, the loves and hates. All of it. In the end it will all be ok. Thats pretty much the irony that repeats itself in life. To well keep reminding us if we make the same mistake AGAIN.

Yes yes karma and life is both a bitch ain't it? Still don't don't me we can't keep move on. I just finished my moral homework (which shocks me I'm doing it at my own home) . Ok sleeping early tonight. I need to wake up early. Hope this teaches you something at LEAST. Bye and sweet dreams y'all!