Dear readers,
What am I, a Form 5 student, doing on the computer for the whole Saturday when SPM is less than a 100 days left. And if you're wondering, I know the days cause my peers have their own countdowns of this day installed in their phones and it is through them that I have obtained this info. We've just finished the 3 day hols from last Monday due to Hari Raya and I still just am waking up from my funk from techno. The tablet is back in its tedious hiding place that is designed to tire me out if I were to concede to its application temptations and it has worked but it is this laptop which I have returned that now haunts me. Well almost fully. Almost. I've wanted to vent a very stressful and depressing and heavy feeling but I can quite put it in words or pinpoint the cause. Perhaps its the medium or pre-heavy stress from SPM and/or cumulative anxieties from other life factors currently happening around me but whatever it is, it needs to go. I have a driving class to ace and a examination to score. So my current goal is once I'm done with the computer today, I will not touch it tomorrow and so on.
I watched the movie "The Fault in Our Stars" and I thought it was good. They did it as closely to the books as possible but Malaysia being the one who mostly get their priorities wrong in censoring had prevent me on the hotel bed scene rather so abruptly that the censoring simply could not go without being mentally and critically brutalized. They showed the trailer for the movie "LUCY" which I understand already released in the US and reviews have led it me that it is expertly moderate, nothing special or bad but I am easily an amused person so I still tend to watch it despite my knowing of how it ends and what it was about due to sources aka my cousin who lives in US but don't worry I spare people any spoilers. Sort of.
I have a general idea what my overall marks for my Mock SPM 1 is and I'm pretty sure its a C because ALL my subjects it seem to went down enough to sink a heart except for my Add. Math which I FINALLY passed WOOTS. However, I'm mostly burdened about my lower grade but at least I know what to do to fix it and what question I'm able to get down to.
I also have to find my Graduation dress for Grad Night which is on the end of October, weeks after my Mock 2. I did find one but they didn't had my size and the one I tried was a size too tight for me and I'm so pissed and down cuz this happened a month ago and I'm still kinda heart broken by this given that the dress was perfect. Even if I explain it to you, I can't truly explain my fondness of its design and since that dress, my search has been fruitless as my standard are a new high and shops simply could no longer reach it. Its from my all time fav fav FAV boutique in KK called Fairy Tale. They have my kind of taste and most of their stuff always have me leaving reluctantly. Granted their stuff is not cheap as they from Taiwan, Korea, Japan and etc but what makes it pretty unique is they have a small rack with a single piece from brands like Zara, Topshop, Forever21 and well you get the idea. Its not much but their legit and in great condition despite it being from an old collection. My Mom is currently the proud owner of a Zara baby blue sweater jacket that she gladly lends me occasionally and it is wonderful as I have a denim back laced dress by Topshop that we got from them. I went there today and they always seem to have new bundle of stuff most of the time and I'm loving the new collection of crop tops they got.
Aside from that, my brothers are stressing me out over what to do after SPM and I have a vague idea what I want to do but really my ultimate goal is to end up somehow in US and job opportunities there are mostly for engineers which I really don't want to become. So I'm conflicted and my brothers are pressing me for an answer which just add pressure to me and I am rushing myself to give them the answer but answer for their kind of question don't race to you, you have to spot it and its not so quick as well all like it to be.
If you all don't know me, I'm the type whose stress can be seen when her face is about to be invaded by pimples. Small or big, I will surely have it and I do now. Especially on the left side of my cheek and chin as well as forehead. Its like a colony on my forehead, seriously. It gets serious when I am expressing my stress physically in a almost subtle way but not quite. People close to me can tell. With the fact that I haven't been running, my body is building to scream and I'm just trying to find solace by expressing myself here for in the words of Anne Frank, "Paper is patient" but in my case "Blogger.com knows no bounds in attentiveness". I am grateful to anyone who read this and if I put you off with my negativity I apologize and thank you for sharing in some way of my troubles. Now I feel lighter and I can be a little free-er and be on with a more positive attitude. The headaches still come though.
