For those of you who don't know or remember, this is my second blog. I still very much know how to log in to my first one and its the sane blog that made me made this blog as an escape from my Fam who would not come to appreciate/accept my teen angst and desires and opinions much as you guys. However I've been developing a sense of anger at how because this blog isn't supposed to be known to my family, I go under the name as "sweetme" which cause me to develop a persona where its me which is great as I have to best freedom to express myself fully but it also makes me have to be careful with pictures which I'm way to lazy and too reluctant to share on FB because if I'm going to put real live pics involving my life, I like to write about them.
I like to write a LOT about them. Worthy of putting in a blog and lately thanks to google chrome apps, I get to edit the picture in a way I like them to be and wish to share them with people. So I'm not asking whether I should drop this blog cause this will still act as my board of expressing myself but what I am asking you guys is, should I reboot my old blog where I'll post on events that has pictures I've collected? I even consider to post my random act of DIY, make-up sesh or interviews. Of course I would need to revamp on its looks as I have left it like so since 2009 and its really designed old.
So comment if you think I should revive me old blog!
!
Friday, March 29, 2013
Sunday, March 24, 2013
Reflection and Updates
When I wake up in the morning on a cloudy weather, a sky that is just too lazy to decide whether it should be a sunny day or a rainy day, I began my day feeling relaxed and he who dare disrupt this vibe before 10 a.m. will suddenly get a very moody girl for no absolute reason. When I wake up in the morning in this weather, I will most likely post something as a way to reflect. I am one of those people that won't really know how to properly understand something in order until I write it and read it over to see if it's correctly express me.
School
I'm fulfilling one of my New Year's resolution of having a fulfilling academic and active extracurricular school life. I never expect it to be so hectic and it feel like the homework I get in Science stream is like I'm working in the office or I'm Uni already. So different from last year where I literally was able to afford procrastinate periods and now its more like I'm trying to implicate the slogan "Work HARD and Play HARD." into my life. You all must see my planner, all the work days have something for me to do and expect and you look at my weekends which are so empty because that would be the two days I fulfill my work and I'll sneak in some computer time. Even took up tuition which I have never really liked because of past experiences with them so I'm hoping I won't have to repeat the same mistakes then now.
I also got my mooting competition, still waiting for that email on some help with finding a lawyer to teach us for free, if not we'll have to pay and that just sucks. So bad for me cuz I've feel its so unfair but ah wells. Theres gonna be some awesome helping work (forgot what was it exactly) by my Leo club on my birthday which I'm looking forward to do. Nothing like doing good on your birthday no?
My brothers find it very relieving that my second and third fav subjects are Physics and Bio. Like they give me that "glad-to-know-you're-sorta-following-our-footsteps" look. Seeing they knew straight away they go for Science without even comparing or considering Commerce, when I did both instead of having a straight forward idea about my upper form future like they did. Despite that, they also love to tell me never to be an engineer, I'll be a slave to an office cubicle like them and they know I hate that work. Or don't be a lawyer, higher chance of building a stuck-up attitude and nobody loves an ass to the core, guy or girl. I didn't know whether to feel happy that they cared or miffed at how many time their telling me this a lot lately in our skype sesh or laugh at their serious reasons for their advice.
Interest
I'm still in on the make-up interest but more so on prepping and looking after your natural beauty side of it. Been really into knowing more on whats in the cleanser, toner, cream and other products. I'm hoping next month for some colorful array of eye liners, particularly a periwinkle one. They make great definition for the eyes and the dimension it makes can make it slightly more fun than using a white one.
I've also been really into fashion again and I'm hoping my wonderful sister-in-law is able to deliver some Forever21 spring and summer tees! I've been inspired to style up with my graphic tees and I'm into getting more really unique ones that I like. I'm not into those Nirvana tees because one I haven't got to really listen to their song so that will have to hold but I'm dead set on getting an animal graphic tee and a mustache one. I've also been contemplating whether or not I should learn to sport a bustier, like those aztec or denim ones this year? Maybe next year. Or this year? Hmmm. Still in love with sweaters and its soon spring so I'm hoping to see lots of color in KK. P.S. the color green mint might be a trend for this floral season so go spread some minty freshness on the street! It really brightens your day!
Pinterest is my main source of inspiration and lately it leads me to feeling to pick up a hobby, not a serious one, just one where I could do once in awhile. Like maybe DIY stuff, I might try to take up learning to buy stuff online but I still need to discuss about it with my Mom. Oh and I'm just slightly embarrassed but lately I've been really into watching Grey's Anatomy S8. I never like the previous seasons so I didn't really watch much but this season is really good. I love the stories on their patient and the lives of the cast. It really teaches you about life and how unimaginable challenges and burdens can come when a human life is in their hands. Totally recommend to watch this seasons show!
Family
Its been rough, especially with my dad. I'm starting to think he is showing signs of bipolar symptoms. I'm not kidding but its not like I'm a licensed doctor so I'll just wait for more concrete evidence to prove whether my hypothesis is correct. I am super off-the-earth-and-into-space happy about the fact that my bro is coming next month and staying for like two weeks though not long enough to my birthday but its still wonderful news and my sis-in-law might drop a visit to give some souvenirs So she asked me if I wanted anything over there.
"Like lets say something Forever21?" she thought aloud, smiling knowingly.
And I said "Yesss!" when really what I wanted to state in my mind was "Hell yeah!!". So I literally emailed a list on shirts and skirts I want, all under $20 so I feel guilt free.
I had a really fun skype sesh with Melvin. We talk about literature and he gave a tour of his new home he shares with his gf. I smile and nodded at all the DIY ikea furniture he mostly got and did himself. And how they didn't want a clock to be the center of this real nice tall white shelf in the living room because then invited guess might perceive it as a symbol that they their lives centrals around time (like doing everything on time exactly, down to its nano seconds sort of ordered life. It'll be the spot where it shows what they just love mainly or along the lines of that so they pick carefully for 20 minutes.). So the lucky object that gets to be the main point of the shelf of the house they decided was a bottle of expensive wine. I laughed so hard at that conclusion and saw the purple bottle just standing out from the rest of books and decor that was placed elsewhere in the shelf. It really does MAKE a difference with what you put at the center place of a home.
The best thing was that the conversation had everything that we wanted to tell each other yet it was so random with half of the topics and the jokes we made. For once, in my bro's humor for mentioning any involvement of boys in my life, I allow him his satisfaction. Cause usually I just cut him off quick and blunt so I have a feeling he made it his sworn mission to make me compete in one proper clever conversation of banter about my love life that he is so keen that I'm a total activist in it. I was typing an email to an association about help (true story, despite how office that sounded like) and he knew I wasn't paying attention to him so when I responded to late, he noticed.
"Did you hear what I said?" He asked.
"*type*type* Hm?.......Err...Yesss" Nice cover up there, that was so sincere sweetme.
"Oh thanks ah!" He smiles and I can hear Joanna (aka his gf) snickering at him for being ignored.
"No, I was just busy trying to finish typing an email." I retaliated honestly.
"Oooooohhhh, to whom?" Wiggling eyebrows at me.
"To somebooodee~." I gave him a smirk and a wink.
"Ooooooohhhh~"
"From the sabah law association you suggested before to find a lawyer for my mooting competition." I finished and he paused, gave a blank look to me and laughed. So that was what went down and there were more laughing here and there and random tease and jokes. I loved it.
Others
I still haven't come up with my sweet sixteen quite yet. My cousies have some ideas but they don't involve what I want to achieve. Might have to discuss that with Mom. Ooohh I also got this one day job thing with a friend at a UK Education expo, real excited for that. I'm just prying for any experiences and this is a great start to exactly that.
Karaoke with Sam and my lil cousie who will be referred to as Geo for short and he's 11 in case y'all don't know. I mostly rapped though and Geo, for a boy, he's voice is awesome but he's so shy at times. Still think he would make a good singer if he wanted to. Ate cake at secret recipe. Played at the arcade which I haven't done for SO long. Saw some aztec skirts that I made a mental note of trying out next time I see them. We made those jokes that aren't so funny but with people you're close to, it just is and you laugh like mad about it together. We took some random pics too like in the car and some candid dancing they did in the arcade. Now I bring my olympus a lot but the problem is remembering to charge it. However, when the unplanned happens, its really worth carrying it around for no reason cause then we are able to file in some memories and who doesn't love to look back at happy ones?
--------------------------------------------
So this is when I read this whole post again and reflect and I've filled with this warm fuzzy feeling and filled with this nice light happy mixture in my heart. I feel alive and present. Me having troubles with my family makes me alive. Me studying and going to school and doing homeworks makes me alive. Typing this and all of you reading this makes me alive. It really alters your perspective and even though they were horribly bad times too, they were just bad times. Doesn't mean I'm having a bad life. This is why I like to reflect in writing, it gives me a clarity that I need for me. And that I think, makes writing this post worth something.
School
I'm fulfilling one of my New Year's resolution of having a fulfilling academic and active extracurricular school life. I never expect it to be so hectic and it feel like the homework I get in Science stream is like I'm working in the office or I'm Uni already. So different from last year where I literally was able to afford procrastinate periods and now its more like I'm trying to implicate the slogan "Work HARD and Play HARD." into my life. You all must see my planner, all the work days have something for me to do and expect and you look at my weekends which are so empty because that would be the two days I fulfill my work and I'll sneak in some computer time. Even took up tuition which I have never really liked because of past experiences with them so I'm hoping I won't have to repeat the same mistakes then now.
I also got my mooting competition, still waiting for that email on some help with finding a lawyer to teach us for free, if not we'll have to pay and that just sucks. So bad for me cuz I've feel its so unfair but ah wells. Theres gonna be some awesome helping work (forgot what was it exactly) by my Leo club on my birthday which I'm looking forward to do. Nothing like doing good on your birthday no?
My brothers find it very relieving that my second and third fav subjects are Physics and Bio. Like they give me that "glad-to-know-you're-sorta-following-our-footsteps" look. Seeing they knew straight away they go for Science without even comparing or considering Commerce, when I did both instead of having a straight forward idea about my upper form future like they did. Despite that, they also love to tell me never to be an engineer, I'll be a slave to an office cubicle like them and they know I hate that work. Or don't be a lawyer, higher chance of building a stuck-up attitude and nobody loves an ass to the core, guy or girl. I didn't know whether to feel happy that they cared or miffed at how many time their telling me this a lot lately in our skype sesh or laugh at their serious reasons for their advice.
Interest
I'm still in on the make-up interest but more so on prepping and looking after your natural beauty side of it. Been really into knowing more on whats in the cleanser, toner, cream and other products. I'm hoping next month for some colorful array of eye liners, particularly a periwinkle one. They make great definition for the eyes and the dimension it makes can make it slightly more fun than using a white one.
I've also been really into fashion again and I'm hoping my wonderful sister-in-law is able to deliver some Forever21 spring and summer tees! I've been inspired to style up with my graphic tees and I'm into getting more really unique ones that I like. I'm not into those Nirvana tees because one I haven't got to really listen to their song so that will have to hold but I'm dead set on getting an animal graphic tee and a mustache one. I've also been contemplating whether or not I should learn to sport a bustier, like those aztec or denim ones this year? Maybe next year. Or this year? Hmmm. Still in love with sweaters and its soon spring so I'm hoping to see lots of color in KK. P.S. the color green mint might be a trend for this floral season so go spread some minty freshness on the street! It really brightens your day!
Pinterest is my main source of inspiration and lately it leads me to feeling to pick up a hobby, not a serious one, just one where I could do once in awhile. Like maybe DIY stuff, I might try to take up learning to buy stuff online but I still need to discuss about it with my Mom. Oh and I'm just slightly embarrassed but lately I've been really into watching Grey's Anatomy S8. I never like the previous seasons so I didn't really watch much but this season is really good. I love the stories on their patient and the lives of the cast. It really teaches you about life and how unimaginable challenges and burdens can come when a human life is in their hands. Totally recommend to watch this seasons show!
Family
Its been rough, especially with my dad. I'm starting to think he is showing signs of bipolar symptoms. I'm not kidding but its not like I'm a licensed doctor so I'll just wait for more concrete evidence to prove whether my hypothesis is correct. I am super off-the-earth-and-into-space happy about the fact that my bro is coming next month and staying for like two weeks though not long enough to my birthday but its still wonderful news and my sis-in-law might drop a visit to give some souvenirs So she asked me if I wanted anything over there.
"Like lets say something Forever21?" she thought aloud, smiling knowingly.
And I said "Yesss!" when really what I wanted to state in my mind was "Hell yeah!!". So I literally emailed a list on shirts and skirts I want, all under $20 so I feel guilt free.
I had a really fun skype sesh with Melvin. We talk about literature and he gave a tour of his new home he shares with his gf. I smile and nodded at all the DIY ikea furniture he mostly got and did himself. And how they didn't want a clock to be the center of this real nice tall white shelf in the living room because then invited guess might perceive it as a symbol that they their lives centrals around time (like doing everything on time exactly, down to its nano seconds sort of ordered life. It'll be the spot where it shows what they just love mainly or along the lines of that so they pick carefully for 20 minutes.). So the lucky object that gets to be the main point of the shelf of the house they decided was a bottle of expensive wine. I laughed so hard at that conclusion and saw the purple bottle just standing out from the rest of books and decor that was placed elsewhere in the shelf. It really does MAKE a difference with what you put at the center place of a home.
The best thing was that the conversation had everything that we wanted to tell each other yet it was so random with half of the topics and the jokes we made. For once, in my bro's humor for mentioning any involvement of boys in my life, I allow him his satisfaction. Cause usually I just cut him off quick and blunt so I have a feeling he made it his sworn mission to make me compete in one proper clever conversation of banter about my love life that he is so keen that I'm a total activist in it. I was typing an email to an association about help (true story, despite how office that sounded like) and he knew I wasn't paying attention to him so when I responded to late, he noticed.
"Did you hear what I said?" He asked.
"*type*type* Hm?.......Err...Yesss" Nice cover up there, that was so sincere sweetme.
"Oh thanks ah!" He smiles and I can hear Joanna (aka his gf) snickering at him for being ignored.
"No, I was just busy trying to finish typing an email." I retaliated honestly.
"Oooooohhhh, to whom?" Wiggling eyebrows at me.
"To somebooodee~." I gave him a smirk and a wink.
"Ooooooohhhh~"
"From the sabah law association you suggested before to find a lawyer for my mooting competition." I finished and he paused, gave a blank look to me and laughed. So that was what went down and there were more laughing here and there and random tease and jokes. I loved it.
Others
I still haven't come up with my sweet sixteen quite yet. My cousies have some ideas but they don't involve what I want to achieve. Might have to discuss that with Mom. Ooohh I also got this one day job thing with a friend at a UK Education expo, real excited for that. I'm just prying for any experiences and this is a great start to exactly that.
Karaoke with Sam and my lil cousie who will be referred to as Geo for short and he's 11 in case y'all don't know. I mostly rapped though and Geo, for a boy, he's voice is awesome but he's so shy at times. Still think he would make a good singer if he wanted to. Ate cake at secret recipe. Played at the arcade which I haven't done for SO long. Saw some aztec skirts that I made a mental note of trying out next time I see them. We made those jokes that aren't so funny but with people you're close to, it just is and you laugh like mad about it together. We took some random pics too like in the car and some candid dancing they did in the arcade. Now I bring my olympus a lot but the problem is remembering to charge it. However, when the unplanned happens, its really worth carrying it around for no reason cause then we are able to file in some memories and who doesn't love to look back at happy ones?
--------------------------------------------
So this is when I read this whole post again and reflect and I've filled with this warm fuzzy feeling and filled with this nice light happy mixture in my heart. I feel alive and present. Me having troubles with my family makes me alive. Me studying and going to school and doing homeworks makes me alive. Typing this and all of you reading this makes me alive. It really alters your perspective and even though they were horribly bad times too, they were just bad times. Doesn't mean I'm having a bad life. This is why I like to reflect in writing, it gives me a clarity that I need for me. And that I think, makes writing this post worth something.
Friday, March 1, 2013
To Lonelyness
I won't write or type out I fully understand what you're going through because I don't, that isn't the truth. And I won't tell you that theres people with bigger problems like nuclear war or starving African kids because it won't erase the fact you're still feeling depressed about it. I will say that I can relate to the pain that people who you really love can inflict. Whether a parent slaps a child or a best friend stabbed you in the back, the worse kind of pain isn't the physical action they just inflicted, its the emotional attack they did that really gets you to your knees and make tears form. And you try to blink it back. You try resist it by clenching your first or biting your lip. And you order everyone out your room so you can sob into your pillow so they won't hear you. Cause simply don't want them to know.
And its alright because sometimes people do feel that way. Sometimes you feel Life like its caving in on you. Cornering you. Sometimes people really do feel like they don't want to exist, like they want to just curl up in a ball, and go into that place between life and death. Saying "I don't want to exist" isn't saying "I want to go die". Its saying: "I wish that, for the time being, I could go somewhere and not have to feel."I don't think there is anything wrong with that. I went through a phase like that and to express it, I would write dark phrases and drew blood and blades on a piece of paper. I would then discard them in the trash so no one will find out but eventually it wasn't enough and you'll find yourself expressing it through how you act and move and people will notice. My tuition teacher thought I was acting up weirdly lately and found a scrunched paper of my black letters in her trash bin. Thats what I call them, black letters. And gave it to Mom and we had this talk about how unsatisfied I am and how I could not take the pressure and lecture and scolding back at my Chinese Hell School. Yes, I named that too. Since then, I have refused every thought that would leave me feeling familiarly suicidal and so far I'm slit-wrist clean. I was much vulnerable then, still am now but only I've gained some strength.
Life has never been nor never will ever feel obligated to give us the thing we expect or deserve but never let it effect you badly for long. Take your time kay? Cuz its all temporary and I find it admirable you didn't do anything when it happened because you could've have risk doing something you regret for a long time for something thats only temporal. So hats off to you for that. That takes a lot of strength to muster.
And like strength, you might also find or be reminded of the good things out of all the horrid and bad. The things that people should smile more about. Lift their spirit knowing it and remembering the beauty of it that will allow the dark to creep at you but never allow it to win over you. And this is all I can say and I pray from the depths of my heart for you.
And here are a couple of songs you I thought might company you well. Little talks and I know you care. Don't see it as songs of a love of boy and girl but instead see it in different relationship or like in your situation. I highly suggest you listening to them when you're alone and the music is just about the right volume that its like the only voice in your room that just speaks to you. Its one of my comforts and I hope it greatly acts as yours as it does me.
And its alright because sometimes people do feel that way. Sometimes you feel Life like its caving in on you. Cornering you. Sometimes people really do feel like they don't want to exist, like they want to just curl up in a ball, and go into that place between life and death. Saying "I don't want to exist" isn't saying "I want to go die". Its saying: "I wish that, for the time being, I could go somewhere and not have to feel."I don't think there is anything wrong with that. I went through a phase like that and to express it, I would write dark phrases and drew blood and blades on a piece of paper. I would then discard them in the trash so no one will find out but eventually it wasn't enough and you'll find yourself expressing it through how you act and move and people will notice. My tuition teacher thought I was acting up weirdly lately and found a scrunched paper of my black letters in her trash bin. Thats what I call them, black letters. And gave it to Mom and we had this talk about how unsatisfied I am and how I could not take the pressure and lecture and scolding back at my Chinese Hell School. Yes, I named that too. Since then, I have refused every thought that would leave me feeling familiarly suicidal and so far I'm slit-wrist clean. I was much vulnerable then, still am now but only I've gained some strength.
Life has never been nor never will ever feel obligated to give us the thing we expect or deserve but never let it effect you badly for long. Take your time kay? Cuz its all temporary and I find it admirable you didn't do anything when it happened because you could've have risk doing something you regret for a long time for something thats only temporal. So hats off to you for that. That takes a lot of strength to muster.
And here are a couple of songs you I thought might company you well. Little talks and I know you care. Don't see it as songs of a love of boy and girl but instead see it in different relationship or like in your situation. I highly suggest you listening to them when you're alone and the music is just about the right volume that its like the only voice in your room that just speaks to you. Its one of my comforts and I hope it greatly acts as yours as it does me.
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