I'm finally home. With my Mom's wrist finally getting healing to the point she can drive, I no longer have to stay in someone else's home. I'm thankful for my Uncle and Aunt but with having to stay for nearly a month, I felt to alienated there. The people there were great, I got to watch some good TV and I got to eat indoors which I prefer a hell lot for dinner most of the time but my cousin's and wife's room didn't feel right with me. I could sleep and everything but when I wanted to focus and study, it was hard for me to get into it. Being back today, I obediently cleaned the house like my Mom wanted to cause I felt right in my own zone again. My own world and I was homesick even though I didn't even leave the country.
I can't quite describe you the totally uncomfortable and anxious feeling I get from staying too long at a home you knew wasn't nor look or felt like your own. It really made me think as what makes a home for you. If you all seen my red pencil case, you'll see a drawn on room of a sort with old vintage furniture and cool quoted posters. Bits of plants here and there too. I think if I had a home of my own, I clutter the place but try to keep a well neat system. I would paint my own wall or two, maybe like a nice gradient look. Thrift shop some nicks and knacks to pin on it. Watercolour some white cups or bowls for my jewellery. Comfy, artsy and completely conventional. My own wonderland. Thinking about it gives me a dreamy comfort.
My first assessment is over and frankly the only 2 subject I feel I flunked was Add Math and Biology and I'm just so down by it but I'm gonna pray and hope and concentrate elsewhere. Like studying, homework, diy-ing, and improving some habits. Frankly though I've just been procrastinating when really I should get my act together by now to overcome SPM and to be ready for my driver's license and such. Oh me, can you successfully adult when the time counts on it? I waver on that question.
But oh do I realize the difference at home. I'm a bit more creative here. I do more at-home beauty tricks like exfoliating with sugar. And I'm more likely to aspire to take photos as I realize the flower curtains with the sun behind it makes great lighting or the one square of space in my brothers room against the green bleach walls is perfect for a ootd selfies. Here's a pic at the parking lot in my hood, with no one around most of the time, its perfect for that street neighbourhood look that I crave for with certain outfits on. I've been learning how to braid or do my hair and this comes as a surprise as I long concluded that my hands that were usually great for creative purpose yet could only and barely handle simple braids. In other words, I was just a chaos with my hair. Now I find I can handle my mane better so I'm practising. At home, I can work, be productive, relax, and be inspired too. Plus, I've come to really appreciate my washing machine. I can control anything and everything. From the level of tumble dry, to specific temperatures of the water. My velvets, denims and laced clothes are simply getting the love they need to look like their still just purchased. I am one happy happy and content girl. For now.
