Aching

I've been a robot for the past few days and I can finally stretch my muscles and breath better. My Dad has been around and my Mom seem dead set on just treating him as a still-valued guest when he comes home. They both act very indifferent. 

Mom would always reply irritably to Dad and at times, I can tell by the twitching of her eyes and the strain she puts on the muscle in her face to even try being civil infront of him instead of snappy. Its...a very painful yet truthful sight to behold. Makes me cringe when I see her try like that since it seem her efforts are just so forced, you know? When she cooks and I would tend to my duty to getting rice, I would feel a bit thrown back to see that she cooks rice enough for us two but never enough for Dad who just likes to see us eat and goes to my brother's room (his current sleeping chambers) without much of a comment. Sometimes Mom ask me to go out with him, so as she doesn't feel like shes making me pick sides when I'm just acting to my own will really. Its ridiculous when at one moment shes against him and in another she tells me that its still okay to be all comprende with Dad like on a sunny good golly day.

With my grandfather being hospitalized, he comes quite often to see him and would just randomly out of a moment of silence tell us (or me mostly) his situation and what he does when he goes out and what time he's meeting a customer and at what place. It feel like at one end he tells these things randomly without being ask because he is obliged to and at the other end, he feels it would change something. Sometimes he would invite me for a meal with him which I always just reject and tell him maybe at a better time. And by better, I mean when I can finally shrug of this stiffness I've feel when both my parent are around at home. He also constantly buys me food, especially my favorite garlic bread, and I do finish them at my own pace. Once in awhile he would even say "I don't know why your Mom hates me." and that usually cause my temper to start boiling nearly at 100 degree celcius but I usually don't answer him that question.What more he always ask me questions that he knows he can't get a calm answer from Mom. So I'm like there in-between you see.

So you can imagine how tense it is here at home. I always feel like I should keep a calm face, pressing my lips in a thin line as I can to prevent myself from letting anything unnecessary to happen in our house. He left today and my body feel relaxed and free from invisible chain of restraint and order.