Blowing the dust off

Hi. I go by the name Sweetme. I hope I'm not quite forgotten. Or maybe I am and if so, I shall remind you all again. 

Okay now that we got the odd introduction aside, I would like to apologize for my absence. Due to my life as a student and my obligations towards my other artistic interest, my laptop have been collecting dust. Literally. I had to wipe it clean and as you can see I just changed the blog's background and template. Now its just posting something to bring this whole site alive

Anyway,I bear good news, at least I hope it is to anyone who enjoys reading my posts or still does. So I'm not sure if I mention before but I got 3 A's for PMR which validated me to get a tablet from my brother, Melvin. Despite how he may be, he loves to spoils me on anything technology and internet related. Its his lane of expertise and got me a Nexus 7. You don't know this but my brother is not in favour of apple products and I was okay with anything as long as I got my own tablet thus explain his choice.

I'm a pretty humble person with technology. I've never ask much of it and my phone is a simple slide up nokia. Now I've got projects and plenty of innovations to achieve, so you'll be seeing me a lot in the next 2 weeks. Especially with my tablet, I think you'll find loads of posts and hopefully pictures as well. I'm loving my nexus right now and we've bonded. I took a lot of selfies and my favourite part of all is getting to check my emails. Granted its use is limited without the internet or any wifi but my emails will be there and I can catch up with everything. Both my contacts and my accounts. Call me weird but I feel bliss at that one perk. And for those who don't know, watsapp and the like aren't completely compatible with my tablet so just try and find me through either line or kakao talk.

I'll admit I've been editing a lot. I can't put a label as to what are my photos are cause I'm not sure of myself but I'll always take ones that inspire me to quote them. I used mostly ones I know and put quotes of my own at times as well. I am even thinking of trying to set up a shoot with a good frined of mine

I've also been keen on DIY's and yes, still into make-up. In fact I got a couple of DIY projects that I am co-operating with a very interested friend as a surprise for other friends. You know who you are haha. I'm so stoke about the holidays that I can't wait. Will post again on Monday! Bye guys!

Dreams to achieve, No idea where or how

So since some misunderstanding, I didn't get to work to this Education UK Exhibition last Saturday but I went to the fair itself with my bro Melvin and my mom.  I was asked (more like forced) to check out the list of colleges and universities that would be there and narrow that down to just unis and cut out a few bit of unis who didn't had courses I like so that we saved up more time since later we had a family event to go. We only visited those unis that I didn't cut.

My bro pretty much started off by letting me go to them but it was my first time and I didn't really had any questions, especially since I was only turning 16 this month. And my bro was like next time, you can't simply be not prepared for these kind of things and I took that into account. I had fun despite it being a bit energy draining but mostly had fun in a sense. I talk to a lot of people who I am so thankful have this cosmic patients with someone who could answer back short answers and not really hopeful ones. I really like talking to this one guy from the University of Derby who was from knew more towards courses involving humanities. There were so nice and I really had an interesting talk with them. I felt I belonged you know and if you could feel that an unfamiliar surrounding, I say thats one of the best right?

I have loads of prospectus too and freebies.Oooohh the freebies. Anyway, it did felt at first awkward to brag randomly a prospectus or a brochure and checking it out with the staff just approaching you. I gain a lot still at the end of the day. Felt really happy.

I still have some prospectus to check out. It lies on the floor, seemingly carrying an air of mighty and mysterious wonders of college life and choices.Often I close my eyes a lot lately, picturing me in my small dorm room. A must-do essay in the screen of my laptop right in from of me. I imagine occasionally when my mind gone blank and when I couldn't find the right word nor the inspiration to continue, I would take a glance up and my ceiling or at my small shelf of books that I've hand picked to bring from Sabah. "Catcher in the Rye", "Lord of the flies". "The Sweet Far Thing", "This is Not a Test"...etc. And I felt a sort of bliss from that. That independence and freedom to yourself. Gah.

I really can't wait for the unexpected in that future. 

Whatchu guys think?

For those of you who don't know or remember, this is my second blog. I still very much know how to log in to my first one and its the sane blog that made me made this blog as an escape from my Fam who would not come to appreciate/accept my teen angst and desires and opinions much as you guys. However I've been developing a sense of anger at how because this blog isn't supposed to be known to my family, I go under the name as "sweetme" which cause me to develop a persona where its me which is great as I have to best freedom to express myself fully but it also makes me have to be careful with pictures which I'm way to lazy and too reluctant to share on FB because if I'm going to put real live pics involving my life, I like to write about them.

I like to write a LOT about them. Worthy of putting in a blog and lately thanks to google chrome apps, I get to edit the picture in a way I like them to be and wish to share them with people. So I'm not asking whether I should drop this blog cause this will still act as my board of expressing myself but what I am asking you guys is, should I reboot my old blog where I'll post on events that has pictures I've collected? I even consider to post my random act of DIY, make-up sesh or interviews. Of course I would need to revamp on its looks as I have left it like so since 2009 and its really designed old.

So comment if you think I should revive me old blog!

Reflection and Updates

When I wake up in the morning on a cloudy weather, a sky that is just too lazy to decide whether it should be a sunny day or a rainy day, I began my day feeling relaxed and he who dare disrupt this vibe before 10 a.m. will suddenly get a very moody girl for no absolute reason. When I wake up in the morning in this weather, I will most likely post something as a way to reflect. I am one of those people that won't really know how to properly understand something in order until I write it and read it over to see if it's correctly express me.

School

I'm fulfilling one of my New Year's resolution of having a fulfilling academic and active extracurricular school life. I never expect it to be so hectic and it feel like the homework I get in Science stream is like I'm working in the office or I'm Uni already. So different from last year where I literally was able to afford procrastinate periods and now its more like I'm trying to implicate the slogan "Work HARD and Play HARD." into my life. You all must see my planner, all the work days have something for me to do and expect and you look at my weekends which are so empty because that would be the two days I fulfill my work and I'll sneak in some computer time. Even took up tuition which I have never really liked because of past experiences with them so I'm hoping I won't have to repeat the same mistakes then now.

I also got my mooting competition, still waiting for that email on some help with finding a lawyer to teach us for free, if not we'll have to pay and that just sucks. So bad for me cuz I've feel its so unfair but ah wells. Theres gonna be some awesome helping work (forgot what was it exactly) by my Leo club on my birthday which I'm looking forward to do. Nothing like doing good on your birthday no?

My brothers find it very relieving that my second and third fav subjects are Physics and Bio. Like they give me that "glad-to-know-you're-sorta-following-our-footsteps" look. Seeing they knew straight away they go for Science without even comparing or considering Commerce, when I did both instead of having a straight forward idea about my upper form future like they did. Despite that, they also love to tell me never to be an engineer, I'll be a slave to an office cubicle like them and they know I hate that work. Or don't be a lawyer, higher chance of building a stuck-up attitude and nobody loves an ass to the core, guy or girl. I didn't know whether to feel happy that they cared or miffed at how many time their telling me this a lot lately in our skype sesh or laugh at their serious reasons for their advice.


Interest

I'm still in on the make-up interest but more so on prepping and looking after your natural beauty side of it. Been really into knowing more on whats in the cleanser, toner, cream and other products. I'm hoping next month for some colorful array of eye liners, particularly a periwinkle one. They make great definition for the eyes and the dimension it makes can make it slightly more fun than using a white one.

I've also been really into fashion again and I'm hoping my wonderful sister-in-law is able to deliver some Forever21 spring and summer tees! I've been inspired to style up with my graphic tees and I'm into getting more really unique ones that I like. I'm not into those Nirvana tees because one I haven't got to really listen to their song so that will have to hold but I'm dead set on getting an animal graphic tee and a mustache one. I've also been contemplating whether or not I should learn to sport a bustier, like those aztec or denim ones this year? Maybe next year. Or this year? Hmmm. Still in love with sweaters and its soon spring so I'm hoping to see lots of color in KK. P.S. the color green mint might be a trend for this floral season so go spread some minty freshness on the street! It really brightens your day!

Pinterest is my main source of inspiration and lately it leads me to feeling to pick up a hobby, not a serious one, just one where I could do once in awhile. Like maybe DIY stuff, I might try to take up learning to buy stuff online but I still need to discuss about it with my Mom. Oh and I'm just slightly embarrassed but lately I've been really into watching Grey's Anatomy S8. I never like the previous seasons so I didn't really watch much but this season is really good. I love the stories on their patient and the lives of the cast. It really teaches you about life and how unimaginable challenges and burdens can come when a human life is in their hands. Totally recommend to watch this seasons show!

Family

Its been rough, especially with my dad. I'm starting to think he is showing signs of bipolar symptoms. I'm not kidding but its not like I'm a licensed doctor so I'll just wait for more concrete evidence to prove whether my hypothesis is correct. I am super off-the-earth-and-into-space happy about the fact that my bro is coming next month and staying for like two weeks though not long enough to my birthday but its still wonderful news and my sis-in-law might drop a visit to give some souvenirs So she asked me if I wanted anything over there.

"Like lets say something Forever21?" she thought aloud, smiling knowingly.

And I said "Yesss!" when really what I wanted to state in my mind was "Hell yeah!!". So I literally emailed a list on shirts and skirts I want, all under $20 so I feel guilt free. 

 
I had a really fun skype sesh with Melvin. We talk about literature and he gave a tour of his new home he shares with his gf. I smile and nodded at all the DIY ikea furniture he mostly got and did himself. And how they didn't want a clock to be the center of this real nice tall white shelf in the living room because then invited guess might perceive it as a symbol that they their lives centrals around time (like doing everything on time exactly, down to its nano seconds sort of ordered life. It'll be the spot where it shows what they just love mainly or along the lines of that so they pick carefully for 20 minutes.). So the lucky object that gets to be the main point of the shelf of the house they decided was a bottle of expensive wine. I laughed so hard at that conclusion and saw the purple bottle just standing out from the rest of books and decor that was placed elsewhere in the shelf. It really does MAKE a difference with what you put at the center place of a home.

 The best thing was that the conversation had everything that we wanted to tell each other yet it was so random with half of the topics and the jokes we made. For once, in my bro's humor for mentioning any involvement of boys in my life, I allow him his satisfaction. Cause usually I just cut him off quick and blunt so I have a feeling he made it his sworn mission to make me compete in one proper clever conversation of banter about my love life that he is so keen that I'm a total activist in it. I was typing an email to an association about help (true story, despite how office that sounded like) and he knew I wasn't paying attention to him so when I responded to late, he noticed.

"Did you hear what I said?" He asked.

 "*type*type* Hm?.......Err...Yesss" Nice cover up there, that was so sincere sweetme.

"Oh thanks ah!" He smiles and I can hear Joanna (aka his gf) snickering at him for being ignored.

"No, I was just busy trying to finish typing an email." I retaliated honestly.

"Oooooohhhh, to whom?" Wiggling eyebrows at me.

"To somebooodee~." I gave him a smirk and a wink.

"Ooooooohhhh~"

"From the sabah law association you suggested before to find a lawyer for my mooting competition." I finished and he paused, gave a blank look to me and laughed. So that was what went down and there were more laughing here and there and random tease and jokes. I loved it.

Others 

I still haven't come up with my sweet sixteen quite yet. My cousies have some ideas but they don't involve what I want to achieve. Might have to discuss that with Mom. Ooohh I also got this one day job thing with a friend at a UK Education expo, real excited for that. I'm just prying for any experiences and this is a great start to exactly that. 

Karaoke with Sam and my lil cousie who will be referred to as Geo for short and he's 11 in case y'all don't know. I mostly rapped though and Geo, for a boy, he's voice is awesome but he's so shy at times. Still think he would make a good singer if he wanted to. Ate cake at secret recipe. Played at the arcade which I haven't done for SO long. Saw some aztec skirts that I made a mental note of trying out next time I see them. We made those jokes that aren't so funny but with people you're close to, it just is and you laugh like mad about it together. We took some random pics too like in the car and some candid dancing they did in the arcade. Now I bring my olympus a lot but the problem is remembering to charge it. However, when the unplanned happens, its really worth carrying it around for no reason cause then we are able to file in some memories and who doesn't love to look back at happy ones? 

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So this is when I read this whole post again and reflect and I've filled with this warm fuzzy feeling and filled with this nice light happy mixture in my heart. I feel alive and present. Me having troubles with my family makes me alive. Me studying and going to school and doing homeworks makes me alive. Typing this and all of you reading this makes me alive. It really alters your perspective and even though they were horribly bad times too, they were just bad times. Doesn't mean I'm having a bad life. This is why I like to reflect in writing, it gives me a clarity that I need for me. And that I think, makes writing this post worth something.

To Lonelyness

I won't write or type out I fully understand what you're going through because I don't, that isn't the truth. And I won't tell you that theres people with bigger problems like nuclear war or starving African kids because it won't erase the fact you're still feeling depressed about it. I will say that I can relate to the pain that people who you really love can inflict. Whether a parent slaps a child or a best friend stabbed you in the back, the worse kind of pain isn't the physical action they just inflicted, its the emotional attack they did that really gets you to your knees and make tears form. And you try to blink it back. You try resist it by clenching your first or biting your lip. And you order everyone out your room so you can sob into your pillow so they won't hear you. Cause simply don't want them to know.

And its alright because sometimes people do feel that way. Sometimes you feel Life like its caving in on you. Cornering you. Sometimes people really do feel like they don't want to exist, like they want to just curl up in a ball, and go into that place between life and death. Saying "I don't want to exist" isn't saying "I want to go die". Its saying: "I wish that, for the time being, I could go somewhere and not have to feel."I don't think there is anything wrong with that. I went through a phase like that and to express it, I would write dark phrases and drew blood and blades on a piece of paper. I would then discard them in the trash so no one will find out but eventually it wasn't enough and you'll find yourself expressing it through how you act and move and people will notice. My tuition teacher thought I was acting up weirdly lately and found a scrunched paper of my black letters in her trash bin. Thats what I call them, black letters. And gave it to Mom and we had this talk about how unsatisfied I am and how I could not take the pressure and lecture and scolding back at my Chinese Hell School. Yes, I named that too. Since then, I have refused every thought that would leave me feeling familiarly suicidal and so far I'm slit-wrist clean. I was much vulnerable then, still am now but only I've gained some strength. 

Life has never been nor never will ever feel obligated to give us the thing we expect or deserve but never let it effect you badly for long. Take your time kay? Cuz its all temporary and I find it admirable you didn't do anything when it happened because you could've have risk doing something you regret for a long time for something thats only temporal. So hats off to you for that. That takes a lot of strength to muster.

And like strength, you might also find or be reminded of the good things out of all the horrid and bad. The things that people should smile more about. Lift their spirit knowing it and remembering the beauty of it that will allow the dark to creep at you but never allow it to win over you. And this is all I can say and I pray from the depths of my heart for you. 

And here are a couple of songs you I thought might company you well. Little talks and I know you care. Don't see it as songs of a love of boy and girl but instead see it in different relationship or like in your situation. I highly suggest you listening to them when you're alone and the music is just about the right volume that its like the only voice in your room that just speaks to you. Its one of my comforts and I hope it greatly acts as yours as it does me.

Basic Life Skill:

Locking and Unlocking

  Is what I like to call it but really the general concept of is the ability to know when and what with whom should you let know something about in your life. Did that sentence made sense? As a teen, I slowly learn that the relationship between your parents and you can shift since you'll feel that that there are things you simply can't tell them. There are people who are very depended on their parents about things they go through in life. Whether its about education, relationships or anything at all, we sometimes try to seek advice/guidance from our families about them. However as a girl, I feel that I like to depend on Mom on issues that I have mixed feelings about, whether its about me or others and she gives me her opinions after hearing mine. Sometimes a small debate would rise and would rarely turn to a real fight or any arguments but I always learn something out of our discussions.

 Still, I do not tell her that I may have drank alcohol because I was curious without her permission or that a guy have tried to flirt with me when she leaves me for a moment at malls. I don't tell her I want to make a couple of short stories of dead people or do some serious DIY on so many things at the same time. I just don't until such events were old ones (I've give it a week) or if the situation was just too personal and big and then I'll wait for a couple of years to tell her so she won't have to feel freak out or lecture or worry over me about it. Literally. Thats what I do. 

  Why? Let me give you an example. Say you want to be an artist and you daydream about it and reveal it to your parents. Since you're a teen and is halfway there to adulthood, they think a bit more (actually it varies with different parents) seriously about your future and they would tell you that is has a low success rate, that people don't really earn money that way, that you're better off being a doctor, or lawyer or an engineer blah-de-blah-blah. And you realize that sometimes your parent may not want to listen/know this artsy, impractical and wild self/dreams of yours. You'll know that they won't register the joy in the way you describe about that canvas you finish today or hear your admiration on New York's fashion week, they want to protect you and lead you to the good old right path to good academics and higher chance of guaranteed good life, so you can't blame them. 

  Another examples is that even when you tell them something like "Oh I went to the mall and karaoke with my friends" and your parents/guardian goes "Be careful of the people you encounter there. Make sure you text me back about how you are every 10 minutes, you need to be careful. And don't break the microphones, it may be expensive and who'll have to pay it? BE CAREFUL." or something along the lines of that, yeah. At this point, its common to feel you can't really share somethings with your family because of their sense of responsibility of you. So you sometimes confide in friends (because they would obviously understand and relate to you more) and tell your own family less and less to keep from dwelling into your day-to-day anxieties. Your parents also know they can't protect you from every single bad thing thats out there in the world and neither would you want them too for long either. You'll develop the desire to travel, learn and discover and they can't stop you once you decide on that.

  So although parent try to be interested and make efforts like by asking "How's your day?" and there are still very fortunate times we can still confide in them about everything, we can't all the time. We have to learn when to lock the door and when to unlock it to let them in on the things we've been keeping at the right time. Because parent, we forget, are human too. With their own feelings and hopes and doubts about life. And they can't always be equipped with the right words and knowledge and opinions and mindset when you throw your life crisis/thoughts at em'. You sometimes need some alone time to think, like have an adjustment period, and solve the situation independently or save that talk about this future career project/idea for a more appropriate time. Parents also may secretly haven't fully grasp the idea that we're changing and change is hard and a long process. You can't push it or rush it. So they change too and they need time as well. Figuring out new ways to communicate with you, what they should say to you and how to treat you now as we all are maturing.

  So you don't have to keep it all bottle up forever. You just need to know when to lock it and unlock it at better times. Maybe when you're in Uni or something and you reveal all the naughty pranks you pulled with your friends eh? Its worth the hold up when the opportune time comes. They might even laugh with you, like the time I told my mom that a friend and me saw this senior couple years back, who sat down and we saw more than we should and that we were scarred for life with an image of a red cotton speedo with a hole at the back that revealed his butt crack, and we could tell that hole was designed on it intentionally. See how clearly I remembered? That shows how scarred I am but then we made horridly cruel but utterly knee-slapper jokes about it being worn the wrong way or maybe it was worn the right way and was just a tool to train him how to urinate at one target. We laughed like maniacs then and still do only with now my Mom knowing it. Haha.

So here's that post with the most votes! Hope you like it and leave a comment! Seeya guys!

Updates

  Hi everyone. Its been a long time since I've posted anything and frankly its not because I wasn't online, I was but at the same time doing school work. So far being a science stream student isn't easy as expected but I'm still coping. Somehow. Oh and where are my asian manners? Happy Chinese New Year guys. Grab em' ang pows eh?

  So school has been really keeping my list of "things to do" constantly occupied and I'm never asking myself what else can I do when I'm alone at home. A pretty good flow of work for the holidays. Do really need to get my essay and moral going. Its February already too and with April coming (note the month of the aftermath of my first assessment and family wedding and whatever LAIF have in store for me), I will be busy next month and then less but still busy in April choosing what the heck idea of a design for the color orange that I will be wearing for a reception. Therefore, as lame and as old as the reason is, I'm not gonna be able to post the story. Except maybe just posts of other things.

  And here I am writing this post of "other things" while drinking those vitamin C effervescent drink after just stuffing my stomach with ravioli spinach with light carbonara sauce and green tea ice-cream and discovering a horrid painful zit on the bridge of my nose after reading Seventeen Malaysia Magazine January 2013 issue. Glad I can be so honest with you guys. I'm so sleepy and I think I smudge my eyeliner but I don't care. I am confident I'm writing this post with a state of mind thats between dreaming and sleeping and conscious so sccuuuuussseeee me for any rude, random or totally irrelevant ranting that may or may not make sense to you. *Another swing of weird yet unsually tasty orange potion*

  My only plans of spending my week of precious holiday is especially to get school work done and troll some single people on Valentine's Day through an online dating chat while posing as a freaking platypus named "Pamela" with a friend. That is if I can convince my mother to let me go to her house to accomplish this justifying mission of mine. If however I do succeed in getting permission from my Mom, my friend and I are gonna get our Marinna's "heartbreaker" on with a twist of harmless but good sense of humor. Hopefully we will also encounter single people who isn't a party pooper and find our jokes funny too. Kinda like those people who were victimized through that local radio shows's "Gotcha calls" that ended up thanking them sometimes instead of cursing them like others because they like the good humor and prank and thought it was funny too.

I also hope to be able to prioritize and update my fashion pinterest which have been constantly updated a lot so please click and check it out, it really reflect the essence of fashion I love and would want to reflect in how I dress. Got some style icons like Lana Del Rey and Emma Stone that I so truly look up to and their fashion philosophy. And if you compare to the first few picture I pinned at the bottom of the board to the dozens of the first one you see at the top, you can tell there is an evolution along the way. Its great to enrich your style with more ideas and inspiration and even make your shopping list for my birthday a HELL a lot easier. Haha I'm kidding about the birthday thing. Well, half kidding anyways. 

Now I must go to sleep at midnight since its about this time do my mom tell, we are going for morning mass. Thanks Mom, for delaying my sleep time and probably gracing everyone at church with my groggy face. Okay now I need to at least end this post with something more purposeful than its content so far being just really well....random. So here's a Q to answer to include in your comments my readers. On my next post, which do you want me to do:

1. Fashion themed
2. Beauty
3. Basic life skill (like how I gave an idea that I would post something about it in a old post)
4. Review (Its could be one post about a role model, genre of music, websites that aren't beauty or fashion related cuz I make sure I enrich myself with people and interests and I like sharing what I know and can tell you guys about so this option can be open for any suggestions you like me to make review. Example: pop culture, humility or whatever. Get crazy with your imaginations)




So goodnight goodnight. May you sleep with the sound of fireworks that signals us an arising spark within all of us and that you dream of hazy but beautiful spectrum moments in which we dance across an endless shade of dark blue.
 

"Cuz baby you're a firework! C'mon, show 'em what you're worth!

 Make 'em go "Oh! Oh! Oh!

As you shoot across the sky-y-y!"