Updates

Hello my readers. Been a long time and apologize for not posting even after my major exam PMR was done. Had stuff to do and think about. I had a lot on my mind, still do. My proof? 2, no, 3 very big pimples on my forehead. Horrid I know.

My mind is like that picture above. Only most of the books aren't kept in their shelves, their wide open. Letting me glance and read at some significant part of a page. Not all the books are complete though. Their like books that are all written by me and gets updated whenever I find an understanding to some topic yet they never quite reach its end. Their never completed and is constantly edited to keep it legit as possible.

If you were to walk by my mental library, you'd probably see the book "To be an anti-procrastinator" thats filled with options but never quite been moved to the physical library yet. It remain there open and close and open and close each time I find I'm trying to convince myself but this is the privilege for a teen like me to have considering the last day of school is like 3 days away and that there aren't any class to really get all focus about anymore.

Another book you'll find flipping its pages on its own is what I like to name "The art of losing one's weight (without becoming anorexic or bulimic or etc)" .Truth be told, I eat 2 meals per day. I mostly miss breakfast but there are a few times where I miss lunch instead. I've also started taking just enough carbs. I depend on rice and potato a lot and a small portion of side dishes. Though I'm trying to take breakfast, since I'll need it if I'm gonna get my metabolism running. I haven't been exercising, plan to get my Wii regime back in order. I love that wii game with skate boarding cause I can temporarily feel hardcore about myself for it.

Moving on is the book called "The extremely unfairly low job opportunities for first timers". Long name I know. Getting a job is freaking hard if you're a first timer. If things don't go as planned, I still want to spend my holiday productively. I'll just busy myself with helping my Mom around the house and finish my leftover PMR revision and then maybe buy a form 4 revision book or two.

And here we have the "Record books of Decisions". It is as the name suggest a record of not only my past worse,bad,good and great decisions but also is updated to my future decisions of education and fun and what I'm probably gonna do after I've finish writing this.

Theres also "My Deep and Profound Thoughts" book which I write in a lot. Sometimes I have the look of staring into space because I'm constantly busy erasing and writing and erasing and writing in this particular book in my head. Mostly because I base my stories on it. Its practically a fairly thick book in my mental library. I'm slightly proud of it and sometimes have mental applauses from an unseen but very appreciative audience.

Anyway now I shall end this by reading you my "What comes next" book. A prediction book in general. It reads: "After this post, within a few days, a story update shall appear. Dun dun dun! So read it or not you shall have a terrible curse that will gain you weight overnight from all the snacking you secretly been doing but will not admit it. Beware or perish at your own risk. Dun dun dun!" Not a very pleasant book I know but I wouldn't mess with it either if I were you.

Updates

I must admit, that I spent most of my holiday listening to Florence and The Machine. Guilty as charged. I simply cannot ignore the indie rock band because I think their amazing and the lyrics just blows my mind. Their songs are currently the music that I can relate the most. I printed their lyrics and bring them to school when I'm bored. Heheh. I do also admire Florence Welch. Her voice is extremely powerful and it voices out songs in a way that she want us to hear it, as if it could sing it out notes you barely hear on radio and you just get sucked into her musical realm. Shes not only fascinatingly beautiful and has long lean legs to die for, her fashion style is unique in a way that isn't sexy nor revealing. She mostly emphasize art in some of what she wears and designers are after her to wear custom made dresses they made for her like Gucci and Channel. I mean look at her, how are you not inspired to dress her up with that physique? She also have very endearing and admirable points if you read interviews about her. 

I've got some of my PMR mock 1 results back. The only thing that improve was my English and surprise, surprise, my BM. The one that went painfully down was Science, Maths, Geography and History. As much as I love to cause intense maniacal violence at some objects that I barely care what repeatedly to steam off some frustration, Imma hold it off since I know full well it won't change much.  

I've been ferociously hungry. Literally. I've just chowed down all 10 pieces of dumplings while mostly finishing my fried rice.

As you can see, I've change the blog's appearance after a long time and my profile pic. A change is nice at times. I'm multi-tasking right now. I'm doing my BM homework and listening to "Hello" by Karmin as well as checking out the video with it which seem fairly cool.

My family problems are far from being, well, settled. Some problem came up and my Mom is far from feeling surprised who did it. I am just here, helpless and sulking. Not knowing any productive action to take but I'm not sulking about it too much as before because I know I must just study. Just study and focus. I need not do anything else. 

School seems alright. For the past few days, I am already piled up with homework and revisions that needs to be done like I'm on working hours and was absent during the time. Thankfully I don't receive as much as people do during their working hours. How is everything on your side my readers? You should answer that "Q" with a post. I'll be sure to read it!

To Lonelyness

If I were in your situation, I take my time to move on. Just take it slow and totally think about what you need to do. I said need, not want. If you keep over-thinking the same thing, you won't be able to let go and move on. If you have gave your every fiber and energy to stop thinking about it and it still didn't stop say for about a month from now, than its definitely a sure sign that you can't ignore it. Sometimes you have to give yourself the solitude you need from times like that to know whether by doing so, you can move on. Only then you can choose to approach it by action after giving other concepts of your life for you to concentrate on a chance.


Usually giving myself time as well as concentrating on others have always assist my brain and especially heart to let go in order to go to the final stage which is moving on. So I have never had the need to solve thing by questioning myself what action to take. If I had to resort to that last attempt, I let that attempt take me while completely forgetting fear and all that insecurity. I would just do anything in my power to satisfy the restlessness that you've obviously have got bitten by but to how badly you got bit by it? I still can't quite say except for maybe it must have been quite the big chow. 


I'm just stating you the options you can take before concluding the situation you're in is hazardous. This is just what I would do in your situation and if you want to give it a go, you better commit to it. Plus there are other options out there than could be way more effective depending on you than the ones I am so considerably typing. 


That is everything I needed to say and now that I have fulfill my best friend adviser duties, I must now tend to my fuming mother who is stressed from all the wedding changes my brother just drop on her. Hope you get your act figure out!

To Life

I couldn't post since I have more than a couple sentence to reply to your post. Its only my perspective so you may or may not heed to it. To me I quite like being alone as it is because of the above picture that is my reason that I like it. Me and Oscar Wilde have loads of stuff in common since I am in love with his quotes and poems. 

Sometimes when you alone, untouched by the world outside your room's door or in your internet, in the silence you "hear", "see" and "think" of other stuff you wouldn't normally think like about a habit you never knew of doing, a task you long forgot to do despite promising yourself you remember it or in this case, reflecting on the stuff that have happen and how you react to it. I've been seeing joy that isn't apply to me but to others around me to which I'll explain more in detail on the next post after this. I'm in a family issue and after giving myself some time to forget about it for a moment, I see the good. Like yesterday I saw a full bow of rainbow after this huge rain and it was a happy symbol that kept reminding me the bad and good always will pass. So if you're going through lonely times, don't let it affect you to being pessimist. If you let a worse situation effect you and you start acting to it, it'll just might be even more worse. 

Maybe you're meant to be left alone for awhile to get yourself straight. If people left you to be alone, let them and you just keep carrying yourself and dance through it. Dwell yourself in things that you enjoy doing and once you're happy with yourself or be rid of that pessimistic demur, people will be attracted to your happy aura. It all starts with you and you can change that. However if people want some space, let them choose to be. You say you might be over-thinking it, than you should lower that par to it. 

I've recently learn you can't over analyze things but you can't be too ignorant too. Sometimes you gotta let Life surprise you and if you hate what you get, change it. You're capable of doing so in numerous ways possible. If you want people's attention, obviously you need to catch their attention through a charismatic "you". Take charge of a conversation. Be in the spotlight while still being you. People will want to talk to you. That is if you're sure you don't want to alone for a bit more.

You can just accept it and concentrate on other things, studies or activities. As Kelly CLarkson sings "Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone" in her "Stronger" song which can have a positive meaning other than in a relationship. Just because you're alone, don't feel you're lonely because you've got other things you can be involved and if you give your all into it, you'll barely feel lonely or maybe even if your friends start talking again to you. In any situation, crappy or happy, you can choose to say "It sucks" or "It's not that bad" depending on how you react and do about it. So hope you get what I mean and  find the solution to your problem. If you choose to see it as a problem anyway. Byes~

Expecting the unexpected

I've had been doing just that. I've been pretty much just living my life as good as I can as well as not being so "careful" with life unnecessarily. I just let Life hit me with whatever it got and totally just let myself dwell in it. Be it bad or good. Lately and mostly the bad stuff have been happening as well some good ones too. I might face with my family issues that I am already mentally preparing myself for. I've also got people asking for my advice a lot. Like a LOT. You have no idea how gratifying it is when you've been ask for consultation and answers to complicated situations you may or may not have experience so many many times for the past few weeks like you were the guru of it. I'm stoked shock. 

I also have tomorrow's cross-country to go about and frankly I doubt I'll finish 7.5 km. I never had for the past 2 years but since my Aunt is practically making breakfast a must, who knows about this year.

I'll be also having mock exams at the last week of July and I don't think enough however, I am going to try to pull through. I'm still worried to sick about it.

My school has been trying to make us embody the "7 habit of highly effective teens" by Sean Covey to us. At first it was annoying with all the proactive word being used in our ears every single 5 days of the week but I think some of us figure that it was actually NEEDED to know about it so I'm okay with it. And they want us to go for a seminar for it so we're doing a fund raiser bazaar since its fairly expensive for the seminar. I'm in charge of drinks and I'm so worried at how things turn out since my Mum is only coming back like 4 days before the bazaar and I need to get loads of stuff ready.I hope business will do well. I really do.By the way ANIKO!! I'm selling RM30 worth of coupons for the bazaar!! Its on 15th July Sunday from 9am to 2pm so buy please!!! Our class also has a game stall which I promise has awesome fun to go for!! So call me kay. I've got no credit to reply text or call back! 

I've also seen stuff I haven't seen in awhile and I'm not reacting to it since it doesn't involve me. I've also learn to built tolerance and accept shame. Now I need to learn to beat my procrastinating persona for at least months. I've seen some pretty ugly moments and some not so happy ones but I've also seen some pretty precious lessons that I need to remember again so I'm quite okay.

I've been playing a couple harvest moon games. One is Grand Bazaar and the other is Rune Factory 3. Their really good games and have been my only source of entertainment. So thats about it I think. I also am loving Katy Perry's "Wide Awake" and "Touch" by Natasha Bedingfield. Something I would suggest to all you readers to hook up your headphones to.

Broken but healing

Hey guys, I'm not suppose to be posting while multi-tasking with doing my History Project and listening to Owl City and being on We Heart It but I've just needed to get some load of my heart. Some of you may sort of guess it from my post with the title "Ignarus Fossos" and "Strangely not understandable" that I have issues with a guy whom you all know is my Dad. 

As you grow older, you bare your families burden someday. That apparently includes secrets and the details of the past to teach you not to make the same the mistakes they make.My Dad is one of them. Its probably cause by how old fashioned he was raised and how negatively effected he is by today modern scandal, malice and temptations. 

If you read my post, you can sort of get an idea what kind of person he as a Dad. Not as a friend, a business man, boss or anything else, but a family guy. And so far you see he suck at that "career". Of course you might be saying how should I know he fail as a dad and a husband. I mean I'm just 15 but trust me you don't know half of the story. My two besties knows and its comforting to share it with them. Almost everyone have had any form of problem within their families. I don't mean like the small, no big deal kind of course. We all had that one where something tragic happen within the important circle of a family and once you experience even a whiff of it, you don't want it to happen again. 

I've have never met anyone like my Dad. He is a tyrant with a lost heart that has long been consumed by the unworthy things of life. If you hear of "Glitter and Gold" by Rebecca Ferguson, I would say it fit him right. 

Just when you think that someone could not stoop any lower, the inevitable frap that life gives happens. When that happens, you realize the good stuff and appreciate it more and you've gain a life experience. With things going the way it seems to go, I might nearly develop a gamophobia to which I receive advice to not let it effect me and pick my self-confidence back. I receive also advice to give my Dad a second chance and I do n't want to take heed in that advice because although I believe in people deserving second chances, I don't believe in giving them the next time or the next next time. Especially when many "second" chances were given over the past 20 years, if you get my point. 

I have no idea what to think anymore. I do know I've love and appreciate my mum more than ever. I am on the verge of feeling totally broken but because of the training for sports day, I managed to release all my stress and horrible auras with 6 laps of running and mid way jogging plus walking, marching right after that and as well coming to be less aware of my surroundings to totally just concentrate on working out. Miraculously, I have not fainted because I didn't push myself like I used to and take it moderately. Although my Dad is stooping lower and lower as a man day by day, I can take without holding too much grudge and feeling totally hurt by the reality of his actions. 

So I cry when my Mum tells me all the suffering she had to take for me and I could never not cry over the raw love she has given to me. I have a feeling that in the future, my Dad would only be as involved in my life when needed for family gatherings like weddings and graduation (which I am not to keen on its possibility of happening). 

Although many people say "why waste yourself on someone who has never been there for you, in success or in failure, in health or in sick, when you already have people who has been there for you", I never expected that theory to apply to family. 

Currently I'm much more relaxed however, I can't say I'm prepare for all the proving and justifying acts that will be done for this situation. I'm just trying to busy myself with literally anything I can be busy with. School, DS games, Music. The ones that help me heal mainly were "Take Care" by Drake ft. Rihanna and "Both of us" by B.O.B ft. Taylor Swift. They literally pulled me through it and I'm glad that I heard the songs. 

MTV Movie Awards 2012

I love last years awards and I got to watch its first live on MTV today and let me tell you, it was EPICDARY! I'm not exactly fond with Russel Brand as the host cause I've feel he really didn't do much but the rest was great hell yeah. For Best Male Performance, I was really torn between cheering for Daniel Radcliffe from Harry Potter, Joseph Gordon-Levitt who is mucho dashing and hot and a great actor from 500 Days of Summer (Couldn't watch the 50/50 movie he was nominated from sadly) and Josh Hutcherson from Hunger Games. I love them all but Josh won and to me that a fair win. Daniel Radcliffe won Best Hero award from the online votings and I expected that as well as Jennifer Lawrence as Katniss Everdeen who was voted 2nd. I'm so happy with how devoted the Potterheads out there for their never ending votes, pretty cool. 


I'm so happy for Johnny Depp for winning Generation Award. He deserves it. I mean if you seen the combined movies he ever done clip during the next encore of the awards on channel 713 Astro, he really grasp from acting a to a typical badass guy to the weirdest and most challenging roles like from movies like Willy Wonka, Alice in Wonderland and his most Favorited role as Jack Sparrow from Pirates of the Caribbean. I don't think no actor or actress could be as diversely talented as he is. It was also quite unexpected when Steven Tyler and his other band member from Aerosmith who represented the award to him to tell that Johnny drop out of high school for his first love which was not acting but music. Later Johnny played eccentrically good on the guitar with the popular band "The Black Keys".


Emma Stone was also awarded the Trailer Blazer Award and I've always love her acting and think she deserves it. I want to watch Crazy, Stupid, Love!!! Have you seen her kiss with Ryan Gosling? Its smoking good. It even got as far as to  being nominated for Best Kiss Award along with the kiss scenes from Hunger Games but Twilight wins again and Kristen Stewart did not had her Robert Pattinson but still congratz! Shes much more girly and sociable in this award then the previous ones. Which is a side that I kinda adore. 


Best Cast goes to Harry Potter but I felt so sad for Emma Watson to have receive the award alone without her co-stars. Especially when she said "Dan and Rupert, I hope you're watching this because I miss you dearly." Aww. And now for the finale, Best Movie goes to *drruuuuummm roooollllll* Twilight AGAIN! I was really anticipating a new winner and didn't really expect Twilight to win again but way to go Twilight!


"The Help", "Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 1" , "Hunger Games", "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollow part 2" and "Bridemaids" were the movie mostly nominated and they are all awesome that were foreseen to be nominated. 


So yeah if you admire any of these actors and actresses or want to stake a look for new artists and celebs, watch the encore today 4th June 2012 ,9pm channel 713! You guys have absolutely no idea what you're missing.