New Years Eve!

Today is the last day of 2011 and I'm going to stay almost all night to see fireworks and make  wish for 2012. I can't believe times passes by so fast. It feel exceptionally fast this year yet at the same time I've been through a lot. I guess this year could be label as my most dramatic year and I'm hoping new year would be my like my golden year in 2009 only better. I don't want petty dramas that aren't worth it and I wish to study a hell of a lot and be a better person both physically,mentally and emotionally. I want to do some pretty crazy but fun stuff with my friends more and that a lot to ask for yeah but really all I ask for 2012 is to be better than any of the other years. So I wish the best for everyone including my enemies, my friends, my families that they may have the best 2012. 2012 is said to be the year of the end, the next Olympics in London and my PMR year and that a LOT going on and hopefully it'll turn out for the best. Happy New Years Eve guys and thanks for coming to read this blog for 2011 and hope you'll do the same for 2012! Love you all!!


P.S. may I suggest listening to "What Are You Doing New Years Eve" by Zooey Deschanel and Joseph Gordon-Levitt in youtube. Its just classic lovely. 

"Maybe its much too early in the game

Ah, but I thought I'd ask you just the same

What are you doing New Year's

New Year's Eve?"

Last Hangout of 2011

Went to Suria to hang and I felt that it a way this hangout was a bit different than the usual. We weren't as hyper as we always were and yet we had fun as we hit a few ironic mishaps and I can't say I didn't particularly hear anything but neither will I do anything about it. Its time to leave my heart to God and see what he does with it, come what may come, good or bad or even painful, they would be something happy in there and things to learn and grow from. However I did had a fairly good fun that still lingers on my skin like that memory has not left me yet. 


For example, I had been between two of my friends arguments. My friend pass by me like more than 3 times as we were watching a movie. I've miss a movie even though I bought the ticket (yeah I know waste of money but I'm not regretting it honestly). I bought a few stationary (*snorts* AHA I'm a geek ahahaha). I found out my friend got the Instax Cam I longed for and forgotten (The little- I mean good for her). I laugh and stop a series of cursing between a male and female friend in pizza hut (you gotta love these two despite they're ANNOYING bickering may I emphasize). My phone was called small...sniff. I won a fighting game at the Arcade for only one time. My bag was complimented (Nice one err bag?). Freaked out when my friend joked about going to hump a massage chair after to which I joked about reminding her for being complimented on it (LMAO XD)


Oh and to end this as nicely as I can, to Chan Yng (yes I'm saying your real name) GROW THE HELL UP! Stop being such a crybaby and hypocrite in denial just for some space away from a dude who isn't even invading your personal space. If you tell me you're not like a baby, then why couldn't you say "Hi" to show that you were over with it? Why are your legs running from something you know its over?Thats something you didn't think asking yourself why you did right? If you ask me, thats REAL illogical and to think you were being smooth and happy about not seeing him again. Well my dear its LIFE, not everything is certain and if you ask me, him appearing is Karma's way of reminding you, so suck it up and stop claiming something about the future before it hits you again ten time worse.


I hope you lovely readers have nice days and leave a good honest comment :) Bye!

Christmas and my future

I know its late and I already did my greeting but I haven't told you what I did for Christmas right? Well I went to church with my wonderful new lace dress and it was nice to just see the little stable my church made where laid statues of a Shepherd, Mother Mary, Joseph, and of course little baby Jesus and I donated RM50 to the Church. I remember how every year I get excited to see the baby Jesus they put in the church and standing in front of it this year, I didn't get the same feeling. I felt nostalgic as if I haven't seen if for years and it was then I felt overwhelm by it too. Overwhelmed by a statue that stare up as if knowing the greater things out there that visible to only its eyes alone.

Later that evening I went home and relaxed around with my bro till we had to go dinner with my cousins and her family. Everyone was having fun and I can't say I was involve in it a whole lot because I was busy realizing something. On the table we all sat, I look at my brother. He was trying to earn enough money to get a degree and hopefully getting a higher paid job so he can travel the world more and have fun with life. Heck he's even counting all our financial budget within 20 years for now. He's planning the hopeful future he wants. Then I look next to him, my cousin, Geraint, who is couple years older than my brother. He was gonna get married next year. Engaged this year to a beautiful girl from a different type of Kadazan family. He also plans to maybe work back in Germany again or find a nice job in KL where he can live with his lover. On the next is my Uncle and Aunt. Uncle did odd jobs that requires the skills of a villager and it was pretty much all he spent his days as he watches his kids grow. Happy and knowingly peaceful at the sight of his children. A feeling I've never understand till I'm a parent. My Aunt still works as a clerk. She travels here and there as well as doing the mothering with her yound adult daughter/ my cousin, Samantha. She seem awfully happy and at peace too. Enjoying the pace of her life as she watches her children "moving" on they're on with her husband. Then it was Samantha. She is almost finishing her course in Culinary school and she probably might go to University to learn to be a stewardess for an airport. Her desire to experience life and culture to discover herself are enviable and I wish I could be experiencing it with her. Then there was my parent. My beautiful, strong and charming mother who is retired, is simply is trying to find old friends to chat her golden days as well as finding hobbies to spend her time as all she does is send me to school and watch me grow. She pays for my education that I not always appreciate and she has the eyes of expecting her ending all to which I fear so much that I cry at the mere thought of it. She too is trying to experience life in general by travelling. My Dad who gives me allowance and spending waffles of cash on expensive medicines that I'm not even sure is worth it. Still lost in his own maze of old fashion tradition, having yet to find the meaning of life and knowing that he thought might someday greet death, he would not feel happiness at the very last breath saddens me heavily.

Then there is me. The me that is gonna turn fifteen years old within 4 months from now. The me that will have to pick what stream she has to go for and give up a lot of teenage pleasures in order to accept the beauty and reality of life and to capture my dreams. The me that has to grow up and get out there. Truth be told, the me that shops, plays and jokes around are just my way of enjoying life as well as rejecting it at the same time. I need to get out there now. I need to abandon my childish self for some time and to get out there. Out in the world that I suddenly feel like knowing more of and it starts now. I'm fed up of this now. I'm tired and its time to find something worth more doing and do only way to abandon the stuff that aren't no more worth to do and do something better is that I need to help myself. I can't expect someone to do things for me anymore. I gotta do it on my own from here on out. I have to be my own hero. If you notice I made the bolded words pop more to show what each person is doing in they're lives. Some are spending whats ever left of it. Other are planning to do what they want with the amount of time they still have left and it would be great if you guys commented what YOU want to do in Life. 

2012 Resolutions

I know, its still 5 days till the end of 2011 but I don't want to forget them so I decided to post here for all you spectators to see so in future if I do break it, you rub it in my face and bring me back to reality. So here they are.


1.Go to computer REALLY less. It would be great if I can minimize the internet usage to the point where I only use it for projects ONLY.


2.Shop less. I wanna to tame my shopping ways STRICT.


3.Study more than I ever did for UPSR so I can do great in PMR


4. Get at LEAST 3 A's in PMR or more


5.Have a stronger will power and heart


6.Grow up more. Both physically (ah my height...) and mentally.


7. Do good more and bad less.


8. Go jogging more!!! (this is a must +.+)


9. Get a position in a club or whatever in school. 


10. Join more english related competitions!!


11. Kill my laziness and vanity.


12. Be less selfish and more caring and considerate.


13. Have more confidence in myself and have great courage.


14. Be more organized and neat (i'm usually having war with my txtbooks so yea...)


15. Curse less. (A very difficult habit to be ridden of...)


Since I'm turning 15 years old next year, I'm doing a lot with 15 goals!!! And Carpe Diem means "Seize the day!" in Latin and it means to put a bit of hope for the unpredictable future and concentrating your all on the present. Its inspirational isn't it? Might be my first tattoo. So 2012, lets try not to mess it this time kay? What about you guys? Got any top priority resolutions? Comment please! 

Updates

Been a long time for them. I'm writing this around 11 am in the morning when I woke up an hour ago. I'm in some old gingham skirt  that I thought I would never wear again and my hair looks like its been partying but really I haven't been as well as wearing a real boss looking red jeweled ribbon ring on my finger just for the random modesty of feeling rich. Hell yeah. My brunch is a sandwich thats no longer warm and I hate chewing into cold bread but I didn't want the cold noodles since that might have taste much worse. I'm listening to Hangover by Taio Cruz ft. Flo Rida. Not exactly your good morning song  but I'm in the mood for it even though I barely did anything related to alcohol last night. Odd right? 


Today we're planning to get my beautiful mother her bouquet of flowers and cakes since we barely had time for it last night. I bought a new floral navy blue lace dress last night and a new metal skateboard necklace with a prayer on it. Next year I'm gonna try to be less selfish and tame my shopaholic to only necessarily things. I'm gonna stick to some graphic shirt and jean and denim for most of the time next year. However I need to learn to wear skirt and dresses to church, as much as I know I can wear casual to church but my Mum been telling me it would be more respectable to wear a dress in God's house and that is enough for me to consider and feel guilty about it.


I got school to get ready for. Horrible I know but I'm trying to mentally myself a positive pet talk about it and hopefully it'll come very effective when my  school actually starts. Well that it for now, anything happening to you guys? Comment pwease!

Happy Birthday Mum!

Today is my wonderful, charming and awesome Mum's birthday! I already bought her present back in HK, which is Anna Sui's new perfume, "Forbidden Affair" (I love love LOVE the name. Its just so tempting when you hear it.). She is turning 57 this year and we're all gonna celebrate it in what used to be "New York New York" in 1Borneo to know called "Brooklyn" but thankfully has the same mouth watering menu. My bro and I also plan to get a beautiful bouquet of flowers and Secret Recipe's Mango Cake. This post dedicates to my Mum and I hope you live long enough to see me what I make do with my life in the future! 


I also wish that you be by my side as long as you can. God bless you and again, I LOVE YOU MUM!!

Till this day

I can't say I've never had a taste of freedom. I can't say I've never tried spreading wings and fly. I can't say that I never touch the sky. I can say that I did all those things for only a fleeting moment. You do fly sometimes but you always have to go down. Then when you do touch the earth's soil again, you are meet up with obstacles that makes flying harder to do but the more you surpass all these, the higher you fly. However freedom ain't always beautiful. You need to remember to have a grip on things that really matter but nowadays, there are getting less people who abuses they're new found freedom and there are more people who are afraid to fly.

We are a afraid of what lies beyond the skies, hidden behinds those clouds. We are afraid that our wings will be shot down and we can't get up but sometimes in my opinion, I need to be free from chains and just let loose. Trying to not have regrets and raise up from all my fears and sorrows. I do have wings of my own and I mean it metaphorically of course but yeah. There are times when I just didn't care a thing and let loose my hair and put my party dress on. They are times when I do something totally uncalled for but I didn't want to pass good opportunities that would leave me with regrets in the end. No matter how bad you fall, you can get up "for strength isn't something physical, it is an unwavering willpower that gives us real strength."We need to (like my new blog background) live beautifully (and I mean being honest, nice and doing mean things less), dream passionately (go over the limits for what you want, if they're is beauty within your dream, then go all the way for it! Don't let anyone make you doubt for a second that you can't!) and love completely (Try to forgive and forget. It just shows you are stronger and over with it. Try doing less wrong to those you cherish too!).When we do fly and give it our all, we'll make some pretty ugly mistakes but then we'll make pretty awesome decisions just the same right? To explain freedom in a more musical way, I strongly recommend you to listen to "Hit the Lights" by Selena Gomez. It somewhat explain freedom in a sense. Try to read the lyrics too, its even way better!

P.S. I manage to be mostly good for December so far! Woot-Woot!!

Hobbycon

Its my third time going and there are a LOT more cosplayers joining this year and I'm VERY pleased at the number. Me dear close friend joined as Alice. She was pretty and for her first time, it wasn't at all bad. Not even the slightest. Heck she was ask by quite a few people for photos. I'm so happy for her. However the highlight of the event for me was when I go to my usually once a year tarot card reading. I don't believe in it entirely but I just do it for the fun of it and the guy even remembered me! So the first question I ask was how was my overall luck for next year and it was something I didn't expect. I was gonna go trough a lots of up and downs with good lucks and bad lucks in hand. According to him, I shall face emotional and physical pain. It could be back stabbing friendship or other what not but he made it clear to me that it would hurt me deeply. He did say that if I overcome the terrible hardships to come, I would go through many great awards and he mentions that I would be doing a lot of giving and charity next year. Its the hardships that I fear. I mean I'm never one to be confident in overcoming huge hurdles, just hopeful and trying my best but I feel however that it may not be enough next year. Then after a few turns, I ask another question and that is whether I can achieve my high goals as a journalist/writer with the achievements I wish to grab as I make my way to my future. He said I have the brains and people supporting me as a back up plan but I will make a some people pissed off at me on my way to my goal. These people may also cause me my down fall to which he say IF I fall, then I would fall VERY hard to the ground seeing as I am achieving REAL high. So I'm glad that I got to hear that I had skills and plans to go through it and I'm not at all that worried about pissing a few people of for I was quite aware of the consequences to come for deciding what I wanted to do, is the falling that I'm doubting. When I'm down, it takes a lot to muster the strength to get up and I'm just wondering the hell I'll go through once I do fall. Do you guy think of this stuff? Comment and let me know!

Strangely not understandable

Even in all the times that I spent my time with him, he was just simple man. However, as I grew to know things about him, he morphed into something I loathe but still love not matter what. I wanted desperately to prove what I heard wrong. For I believe in the saying that "It does not matter what that important someone did in the past, it only matter how I remember him to be now." yet even knowing him in the present, he failed to make me proud and prove everyone that what he did in his past were long gone. I was disappointed, frustrated and unwillingly sad at that hard fact. I tried to understand him but he was just undeniably stubborn and dense and stupid and I myself think thats impossible for a human to be all at the same time. He was some strange alienated douche that I've never known but despite his actions and his unwavering stubbornness to acknowledge his ways, I grasp one thing. One human trait that will always makes him just a bit human as anyone else and that is that he is a sad sad lonely man.

I knew all this man was longing for the love that people have already given up on giving to someone like him but it didn't made him any less human to not YEARN for it. He wanted the hugs, he wanted to be acknowledged in cheerful conversations, He wanted to be said "I love you" and have the feeling that he will be missed. He would sit there on his chair, just simply observing but never in the conversation, his eyes sad and pleading for someone to look at him and to not just ask him whether he's okay but to assure him that he was needed and loved. He was a man that was once loved by all at one time but because of himself, he pushed away from everything and everyone that was important. Instead he simply lives life according to what he want and as long as he does at his own will, he thinks he'll be happy but no. He can never be actually happy. Happiness and the best things were never objects no. They were the cherished people that gave us these things to us that made them important but if they were none of these people, how would that make anything we do or have for and from nothing important? How is getting better health any important when you don't have anyone to live for? How is getting better at something worth all your effort when it was meant for simply yourself and never others? And it is because of this that makes me feel great sympathy and forgiveness towards such a ridiculous, horrible, idiotic and pitiful man. Does that make me stupid? I don't know but I do know I would regret it if I didn't act like an idiot and continued to forgive him. Fudge. Tears.

Before I go HK

If anyone of you guys wanna contact me at all, leave a PM in my FB which I know you all know of. I won't answer text or emails while I'm there and just to correct the date I'm coming back once again is on the 8th Dec. So Lonelyness continue to update and don't worry I'll be able to go to Hobbycon. I'm hoping to have an early dress rehearsal on the 9th, that is if anyone one you and especially the cosplayers (Fran and Aniko) to arrange. That would be superbly awesome. But yeah keep me updated in FB. If I don't see any updates at all, prepare to suffer under the incredible annoyance of nyan cat and indirect insults.

I can get the Fujifilm Instax cam but I have to get four A's in my next exam or not my camera would be suspended from me. GAH!! But I fell in love the cam so I hate to back out from that deal. This is like a mental early torture for me on my first damn exam.So yeah and hopefully I can buy you guys some trinkets as well if I'm being money wise and Aniko!! Lets hang out at my house on the 15th? Thats okay with you? Tell me in FB!

Welcome back Coldplay and Helllloooo HK!

I haven't seen them for what like ages and now they're back with awesome songs that I admire. Especially they're song Paradise. Its aspiring and its like a getaway song from reality and a pathway to my ideal paradise or at least in my opinion. Hong Kong is just 50+hours away and I've only just started packing my shirts and tops. I'm hoping to buy Fujifilm Instax there and the most reasonable price but I need the approval of my brother since I think they know whats better and I just email them about my interest in the cam and wondered if they thought it was good. There are at least 3 most important thing I want to attain while I'm there. Fun, combat boots and that camera. If I could fulfill at least 2 out 3 of these, I am satisfied!! I hope to spend lots of time with my bros too. Like exchanging DS games, going around the roller coasters and other amusement ride, and as well as eating food together. My brothers lives at different countries and as a little sister that is like 10 years more younger than them can be tough for me emotionally. They're out at the world exploring and doing what they love as happiness with partners that makes them feel they're not alone and have someone they can rely on while I'm stuck here in high school with huge exams to worry about and has still has SO MUCH MORE to learn and experience from before becoming an adult.

Sometimes I envy people whom I know have sibling who doesn't have a huge age gap between them so they won't miss things that they both have yet to done nor do things that the other haven't. When I look at people like that arguing, I sometimes am reminded for taking granted the times when my brother were just teens themselves while I was but a kindergarten age. Though I don't regret all of that but there are some when I think that I could have been more nice to them. So I'm going to steal as many bear hugs and conversations with them as I can! I mean, you could NEVER, and I mean NEVER say enough "I love you" to those who you really miss and cherishes. Might wanna do that before 2011 ends. Oh and guess what, I think my cousies are doing a "i heart you" events for all of us. Like a small social party at a villa maybe? Something to commerate to love ones and tell them all those sappy but honest stuff that we never get to tell before December ends. I hope they're able to make it! Bye peeps! Hope you have a jolly awesome December!!