Strangely not understandable

Even in all the times that I spent my time with him, he was just simple man. However, as I grew to know things about him, he morphed into something I loathe but still love not matter what. I wanted desperately to prove what I heard wrong. For I believe in the saying that "It does not matter what that important someone did in the past, it only matter how I remember him to be now." yet even knowing him in the present, he failed to make me proud and prove everyone that what he did in his past were long gone. I was disappointed, frustrated and unwillingly sad at that hard fact. I tried to understand him but he was just undeniably stubborn and dense and stupid and I myself think thats impossible for a human to be all at the same time. He was some strange alienated douche that I've never known but despite his actions and his unwavering stubbornness to acknowledge his ways, I grasp one thing. One human trait that will always makes him just a bit human as anyone else and that is that he is a sad sad lonely man.

I knew all this man was longing for the love that people have already given up on giving to someone like him but it didn't made him any less human to not YEARN for it. He wanted the hugs, he wanted to be acknowledged in cheerful conversations, He wanted to be said "I love you" and have the feeling that he will be missed. He would sit there on his chair, just simply observing but never in the conversation, his eyes sad and pleading for someone to look at him and to not just ask him whether he's okay but to assure him that he was needed and loved. He was a man that was once loved by all at one time but because of himself, he pushed away from everything and everyone that was important. Instead he simply lives life according to what he want and as long as he does at his own will, he thinks he'll be happy but no. He can never be actually happy. Happiness and the best things were never objects no. They were the cherished people that gave us these things to us that made them important but if they were none of these people, how would that make anything we do or have for and from nothing important? How is getting better health any important when you don't have anyone to live for? How is getting better at something worth all your effort when it was meant for simply yourself and never others? And it is because of this that makes me feel great sympathy and forgiveness towards such a ridiculous, horrible, idiotic and pitiful man. Does that make me stupid? I don't know but I do know I would regret it if I didn't act like an idiot and continued to forgive him. Fudge. Tears.